Dear Mr. Hefner,
I understand there is a job opening at Playboy; I would like to offer my services in the vetting process as you search to replace your daughter Christie. I’m sure you’ll agree that my previous experience vetting for George W. Bush’s vice presidency makes me an obvious choice for this position.
Playboy is not my ideal venue for post-VP employment, and your insistence on wearing smoking jackets makes me want to electrocute into oblivion what’s left of your genitals, but with the economy currently fucked I’ll take what I can get. See, the main thing is that I want to move to