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The gummi worm of public opinion turns

By John Edwards

Bio & Blog

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Photo by ob1left via Flickr

The New York Sun reports that a new poll from the American Research Group shows the following:

In a survey of 1,100 people conducted last week by the American Research Group, 45% said they favor impeachment of the president, while 54% favor it for the vice president.

7/17/2007 3:45 PM, Raleigh, NC
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This shackle on my ankle is hot because I'm wearing it

By Lindsay Lohan

Bio & Blog

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Associated Press

Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty; I’m free at last! That’s a quote from somebody. I’m pretty sure it was Martin Lawrence, but whoever said it, I can TOTALLY relate! I’m finally out of rehab, and I’m ready to PARTY … drug free of course.

You know, I’ve heard there are a lot of haters out there who have zero faith in my ability to stay sober. I’ll bet anyone that I can stay sober for three months. Who wants to bet me? That’s right, I didn’t think so. What, did you just say to me? That I’m wearing an ankle bracelet that detects alcohol in my bloodstream, so that really wouldn’t be much of a bet?

Well you’re wrong, cus this isn’t an alcohol detecting bracelet! This is a fashionable anklet that I’m wearing for charity. That’s right, just like those yellow Lance Armstrong thingies that everyone used to wear. But this one goes on your ankle, and it’s for um … Darfur. Yeah we should all get behind Darfur because it needs for us to be there for … it.

7/17/2007 1:49 PM, Los Angeles
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Best screenplay 2008: Your Dear Leader's 'The Terror'

By Kim Jong-il

Bio & Blog

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Photo by dnc via Flickr
7/17/2007 10:00 AM, Pyongyang
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Hear me out traitors GOP: I've got the Iraq solution

By George W. Bush

Bio & Blog

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Associated Press

Should I change course in Iraq or should I keep to the same course? That’s the question on everyone’s lips. Oh, wait. It just fell off that guy’s lips. Now it’s on his shirtfront. I should call Karl and have him bring that guy a napkin so he can wipe it up. There is nothing worse than stuff on your shirtfront. Except maybe a war. (How’s that for a segue? Take that, Toastmaster’s International Guide to Successful Speaking!)

7/17/2007 9:47 AM, Washington DC
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I was NOT in Harry Potter

By Dennis Kucinich

Bio & Blog

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Associated Press

I have had it, America. I am presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich. I was a mayor, and I served in Congress, but I am not in Harry Potter. I was never a muggle, I never worked at Gringotts, and I certainly never worked for He Who Shall Not be Named (George Bush Lord Voldemort).

Yes, America. I do believe I can be the father of world peace, and yes, I believe I can provide health care for all of the country, and yes, I can fly, but that doesn’t mean I was in Harry Potter. I mean, I would be awesome at Quidditch. I would be the best. Can you imagine?

7/16/2007 10:11 PM, Washington DC
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