Excuse me, Mr. Alex “Investigative Reporter” Johnson of MSNBC, but before you go calling people a hoax, maybe you should take a long look in the mirror. (If you don’t see your reflection, it means you are a bigot.)
I can assure you, I’m no hoax. When I said that Brett Favre was probably fighting dolphins against each other to the death with swords crudely attached by duct tape, it obviously wasn’t real; it was a METAPHOR. First of all, the adhesive in the tape wouldn’t hold up in salt water, and also, how many backyard saline pools have you ever swam in?
The real story here is the treatment of no. 7. Please remember that before Michael Vick integrated the quarterback position, if a black men attempted to throw a forward pass, he was given a fifteen yard penalty. Laterals were frowned upon. And, you couldn’t even think about punting the ball.
Mr. Johnson, I will give you credit for taking interest in animal cruelty issues and would like to take this chance to pitch a couple stories that may raise awareness against other despicable animal torture practices perpetrated by beloved white athletes.
One loyal reader pointed out the danger of giraffes pumping holes in one another with machine guns (most likely orchestrated by Larry Bird). And also:
- Cal Ripken’s llama throwing-star fighting
- Wayne Gretzky’s ladybug flail brawling