The other Al on this website convinced me to do a commercial campaign with Pat Robertson about the dangers of global warming. He's spending 300 million on it, most of which is going to me I think.

Everyone is saying that Pat and I are strange bedfellows, which is absurd. I can't speak for Pat, but I prefer the company of bedladies. I like my women like I like my justice: completely legal, swayed by my influence, and with a nice moral rectitude (by this I mean her rump and anus).

You might be surprised to know we did the shoot without a script. We had plot points to touch on, but for the most part we were just playing off each other. Here's the transcript:

Pat: Hey black guy, I know that sun damage won't give you melanoma, but global warming will be bad for your people too.

Al: Black people can get skin cancer as well.

Pat: And AIDS.

Al: White people planted AIDS in African monkeys to get rid of us.

Pat: Well I think we can agree that if this global warming thing is real, which I'm still not convinced, it's being caused by the devil inching closer to the Earth to unleash Armageddon.

Al: You talking some crazy jive, Pat.

Pat: Thanks Al, coming form you that means a lot.

Al: How do you get God to talk to you? (Leans in to whisper) I don't think he likes me.

Pat: You're probably gay. Or black. Stop being those things.