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American Idol Judges’ Blog

Worshipping false idols

By American Idol Judges

Bio & Blog

Associated Press

From USA Today (6/28/07):

The mummy of an obese woman, who likely suffered from diabetes and liver cancer, has been identified as that of Queen Hatshepsut, Egypt’s most powerful female pharaoh, Egyptian archaeologists said Wednesday.

Listen up, that mummy isn’t obese!

Man, this is just like that time everyone started calling Jordan Sparks fat. Doesn’t anyone remember what I looked like before I had gastric bypass surgery? I was one obese dawg! I was like… a bulldog… or a pug. One of those dawgs with all the chins. Jordan Sparks, she’s like a shitsu dawg. Sure, she’s a little fluffy around the middle, but that just makes you want to hug her more.And this Hatshepsut … I’m not really sure what kind of dawg she is. I guess she’s the kind of dawg that’s had its organs removed and dried out and has been decomposing in a tomb for 3,465 years.

Hatshepsut, I wouldn’t suppose you have any extra embalming chemicals on you?

I hate to say it, Hatshepsut, but I agree with the archaeologists. You are terribly obese. And your fashion sense is truly horrendous. I’m certainly not surprised to hear that someone removed your brain through your nose. Perhaps if Ryan Seacrest was here he could lend you something appropriate, like high heels.

6/29/2007 9:19 PM, Los Angeles
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