Yesterday starts like any other day: I get up, put on me underwear, and go lookin’ for fags on the side of the highway. If there’s enough butt, I’ll smoke ‘em. By the way, to you yanks – I’m talking ‘bout cigarettes, not homosexuals… although in this case either works, yeah?

 So while I’m on me search, this car stuck in traffic is tuned to BBC Radio One, and what do I hear on there but cuntfaced Noel Gallagher going on about how Amy Winehouse is a dusty toon horse! Now I’m a lot of things, but one thing I know for sure is that I’m no dusty toon horse; I hate them buggers!

Later when I’m telling me mates ‘bout it, they says he didn’t say dusty toon horse, he said destitute horse. Well that’s a relief. But then I looked up the word destitute, and it says “lacking possessions and resources.” So now I’m pissed; them other horses have all these possessions and resources and I don’t? What a bag of wank!