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Amy Winehouse’s Blog

Amy rose to fame because of her unique voice, beehive hair and ability to do drugs in her bra. The song "No Rehab" propelled Winehouse to super-stardom, but then lost much of it's contrarian firepower after she checked into rehab in January. Contrary to popular belief, she does not have a bet with Britney over who will die first. How would the loser pay up?

Name my turtles contest winner announced!

By Amy Winehouse

Babies, I couldn't be happier winning an award for songwriting. "Love Is a Losing Game" was a deeply personal song, even if it was kind of dictated by the ghost of Big Mama Thornton. I share this songwriting honour with her.

Speaking of awards, it's time to announce the winner of the "Name Amy's Turtles" contest. Wasn't much judging involved, really. Only one entry. Thanks, "fans." Anyway, big ups to big winner "Cris Inns" who came up with Drunky, Skunky, Skanky and Wanky. I don't get it, but that sounds cute enough.

Now, I promised you a wicked prize, yeah? You will receive ... me award statuette that I just won! Thing is, Cris, I need you to deliver it to a close, personal friend of mine. After he gets it from you, my friend will take it in his repair shed and then you'll get it back. Probably a bit heavier.

5/27/2008 3:27 PM, London
4 comments

Neil Young spider has nothing on me namesake species

By Amy Winehouse

Bio & Blog

Life just ain't fair. Well, really, science ain't fair.

I don't ask much of science. Keep finding new ways to stimulate me brain, keep stuffing caramel in chocolate, and cure a disease for a bald kid now and then. I give support where I can - the blokes at Pfizer send me a gift basket every year. So I was a little hurt to see this: myrmekiaphilia neilyoungi.

Arach-neil

Jesus, Neil Young gets a spider named after him and I don't? Me? An animal lover nonpareil? Neil's goddaughter-in-toke? There's tons of new species out there to hang my name on. It don't have to be some preening, priggish lemur or anything. Give the cute critters to the debutantes; I'll take this little guy:

5/22/2008 11:42 AM, LDN
2 comments

Some mice blogged for me while I was ... napping

By Amy Winehouse

Bio & Blog

Today's guest bloggers: Amy's mice

 

Hewwo! It's vewwy nice to be here! We're having ever so much fun pwancing about Amy's keyboard! Whee!

We hope you wiked our widdle message. But we hope you wealize that we were just pwaying micey games. We don't weawy mind if Bwake divowces Amy. If he did, we would have more time to pway with her! Tee hee hee! We were only one day old when we made our scween debut. We were in no condition to make impowtant domestic decisions for Amy.

ADDENDUM - 2 HOURS LATER

Amy here. Just woke up. Don't know what that was all about. Anyway, people, don't hate on this video. This is the most wholesome thing Doherty and I ever done. BY FAR. And I kind of like how we managed to get the Japan horror movie look. Scary. Seven days after seeing this vid, you will send me a bottle of Chivas. LOL!

5/19/2008 11:48 AM, London
7 comments

Who would Amy do?

By Amy Winehouse

Bio & Blog

God. Me Bond song gets flushed down the pissermarriage all to shit…cops looming every which way…and two of me baby turtles have some kind of skin disease. Days like this, only one thing brings me sunshine: a wicked one-nighter. Maybe you're wondering: what's me standards for a meangingless shag? Time to play Who Would Amy Do:

Stevie Wonder?

I would, and it'd be epic for us both. See, there's this old blues tradition of a woman who can make the blind man see. Three rounds with AJW and Steveland's eyes would turn into bloody x-ray specs.

Leonard Cohen?

5/12/2008 11:37 AM, London
4 comments

Prison: My home away from home

By Amy Winehouse

Bio & Blog

Hell on wheels. I just got the smell of jail out me hair from last week. Now this.

It was a little traumatic-like, getting hauled in again. Scary for a bit, there. But once the coppers started interrogating me (why do all cops have the same walrusy mustache?), I knew how this'd play. They just wanted me to cough up some deets about that blackmailing bastard who shot the co-called "crack vid." Blimey, you think you know a dealer!

Then again, jail scores you some good hookups. Like this sweet young Japanese girl who's old chums with a triad boss? Mm, those people have the purest shit you ever will cut. See, that's the difference between me and my eejit husband– I get pinched, I make a friend. I network. Nobody wants to shank me for being a loony crybaby, BLAKE.

5/8/2008 12:46 PM, London
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Blake, you human herpes sore

By Amy Winehouse

Bio & Blog

I'd love to help you, Blake. Really I would. God knows I'd give me left tit if it'd free me from your chains of failure. And if that blonde mistress can stand you and your Moaning Myrtle routine, I'll gladly hand you your stupid hat and wave goodbye.

5/6/2008 2:09 PM, London
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Best Bond song ever! (Eat it, Shirley Bassey)

By Amy Winehouse

Bio & Blog

Oi, babies, I love working on this Bond song. Really gets the creative juices flowing. Makes me feel all exotic-like. What's that bitch who chopped her men off at the waist? I feel like that.

The title's something about Quantum Solitaire or Solar Quaaludes or whatever. Didn't exactly get me inner muse hot, you know? So we're taking this jam in another direction:

His Stash Was My Heart
(slow techno bossa nova beat)

I followed where he went,
The good kind of agent,
The kind with quick hands...

The gin flowed in torrents,
Then came the search warrants,
From Prague to Le Mans..
.

I was a fool, I was his mule, like a dozen before,
My name isn't Pussy, but I loved him galore,

(chorus)
The rock in his pipe was my soul—
His stash was my heart.

(enter horns & strings)

He's fleeing on rooftops
While I brew some new schnapps
From peaches and tears...

5/1/2008 2:28 PM, Lahndun
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Since when is a 96-hour post-breakup party a crime?

By Amy Winehouse

Bio & Blog

Ah, back in the jug. Nice to know it hasn't changed a whit. Half the girls in this cell I recognize from last time I was here. Still smells like barfed cough syrup. I know what you're thinking: how's she blogging from prison? See, I started talking with this very large woman—her name's Zabia and she got caught selling credit card numbers in Hackney. She snuck a laptop in under her left bosom. (Yeah, we got some shite police in this town.)

So the charges, they're trumped up, yeah? I mean, I hit the one bastard, but he was hogging the pool table. I feel like I could defend meself in court:

Me: "Me lord, I had Lily Allen on the phone swearing she'd ink 'Amy' on her face if I made a perfect bank shot to the corner."

Judge: "And some inconsiderate nobody wouldn't let you?"

Me: "True, me lord. He was harshing my epic Freedom Party."

4/28/2008 9:38 AM, Holborn Police Station
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If my husband calls from jail, I'm not here

By Amy Winehouse

Bio & Blog

Blake is being a total bollix for like the millionth time. Calls me "unsupportive" cos I won't spend his birthday in prison while he's slashing himself and pitching fits.

4/23/2008 3:50 PM, Londonium
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The secret cause of my nasty leg

By Amy Winehouse

Bio & Blog

Life's funny, innit? I wake up in a lot of mad places and don't remember nothing about getting there. Mostly people's roofs. Tube tunnels. Wooden crates. One time at the Grammies.

Anyway, a while back I woke up deep in this forest, scraped and cut like hell, stewing in poxy water, completely lost. Turns out I'm in Wales. Ho, shit, how'd that happen? Blake sez I chased a leprechaun to steal his pot of pot. Hilarious, Blakecakes, but wrong country.

Back in Camden, I notice this lump on me leg. Real hard and a little painful. I tried covering it best I could, but the paparazzi, it's like they got ESP about this shit, so of course somebody snaps a pic. Now the whole world's wondering.

4/21/2008 10:13 AM, L-town
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