Associated Press

Am I the only one who finds the new photos of Vladimir Putin ravishing disturbing?

What, do you think you’ll enrapture impress us with your carnal virility shirtless buffoonery? Are we supposed to feel something in the way your mighty, muscled trunk bare chest mingles with your steel grip of the Russian state into an intoxicating disgusting synthesis of lust and power?

Are we supposed to feel soft and yielding against the heavy sinews and rigid stone of a picture like this? Is it strength I’m supposed to be perceiving in the way your carriage of effortless poise and composure persists even though eyes are feasting on examining your every bulge body? Nice try.