Ja, all of you out there who hated da movie Junior, and I know there are a lot of you, but who is laffing now? Huh? I told you all I vas pregnant and now vhen some girlie man comes along, now you believe him? Oprah, you, loud-mouthed wind bag lady, vhy didn't you have me on your show when I vas carrying a baby, huh? I vant to know. For dat movie I had to have sex wit Danny DeVito!

And den, you know how hard it vas for me to carry dat thing around inside my big, strong, manly body for 9 months? Then, I had to hide the little baby in Lousiana vhere no one would find her, ja, and now she has grown into Britney Spears. This big teutonic heart breaks every time I see her on the TV and I can do nothing for her, meine kleine liebchen, because dis vorld is too cruel and uncaring.

They vere not ready for a pregnant man den, lets just hope dey are now. And I say this to the girlie man with the baby, Just love her! At all costs.

(Photo credit: IMDB)