As you know, my wife Maria is endorsing Obama. This is a kiss of death for him. Maria, she alvayz gets it wrong. Here is who she has endorsed over da years:

• Al Gore: Come to the Arnie school of the environment baby, learn something.
• Bill Clinton: ja, she didn't endorse him after he vanted to play vit her hinterschnitzelgruber.
• Michael Dukakis: even his own vife didn't endorse him, und, he needed a body vax.
• Valter Mondale: aren't you dead yet?

Ja, so she is wrong about a lot of things. And vile I am at it, Maria, you are wrong, I don't like dressing up like JFK vile you pretend to be Marilyn, ja, and also, I fake my orgasms, dat's right, if I didn't, you vould be blasted thru the wall, silly little anorexic woman, dat's vat you get for being a `Democrat!

Now let me smoke my cigar and tink about Monica Lewinsky...