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Barack Obama’s Blog

Hey little girl: how about I give you advice on how to be a little girl

By Barack Obama

Bio & Blog

So after my campaign stop in a bowling alley on Saturday everyone's had a joke.  Yes, I bowled a 37.  Yes, I am aware that this is less than four pins a frame.  Yes, I am aware that your retarded cousin bowled a score twice that high at your birthday party when you were in third grade.  And yes, I am aware that your mother made you invite him when you didn't want to.

But the New York Daily News took it a step further.  They interviewed a ten-year-old girl who is better at bowling than I am: little Gabriella Lamas of West New York, New Jersey.  And honest to blog, if she wasn't smug about it.  First of all, okay, yeah, so she's better than me.  But she's been bowling for FIVE YEARS.  Since kindergarten.  Kids learn fast at that age.  I hadn't bowled since the 70's.  Do you know what the 70's are, Gabriella?  Of course you don't.  You're ten. 

Second of all, she had the nerve to give me advice.  "You have to look at the pins when you throw it," she said.  Really, Gabriella?  Look at the pins?  Well, gosh darnit I guess THAT was my problem.  I was looking at the ceiling.  Or at the tops of my shoes.  Honestly, how patronizing can you be, Gabriella?  I mean, I'M SORRY that I'm not as gifted a bowler as you.

How would you like it if I gave you advice on how to be a little girl?  Huh?  How about this: don't wear pigtails, they make you look like a seven-year-old.  How do you like that, Gabriella?  Or this: When Jimmy Fischer flipped up your skirt on Tuesday it was because it was flip-up-skirt day and not because he likes you.  Jimmy Fischer hates you.  Also, Zack and Cody?  THEY AREN'T REAL PEOPLE.  So, yeah, you can stop writing "Zack + Gabriella 4ever" in your diary (yes, I read your diary.  AND LAUGHED).  And that girl that was in High School Musical took naked pictures of herself and they ended up on the internet.  Have fun explaining that one, Mom.

(Photo credit: Associated Press)

4/2/2008 12:34 PM, Chicago

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Hillary Clinton:

Now that April Fools is over, I was serious about challenging you to a bowling match to determine the nomination. Who needs all these delegates? It'll be you, me, some brews (maybe some nachos) and the future of America.

Someone get ESPN 2 on the line ...

4/2/2008 2:20 PM


Barack, my 60 year old retarded cousin Hillary wants to challenge you to bowl off. Have you heard? She said, "I beat B-Rock Obam we get ice cream?" I replied, "Yes we can".

4/2/2008 2:22 PM

Hillary Clinton:

Please Renee, get your facts straight. I said: "I beat B-Rock Obam, we get sprinkle time ice cream."

I await said treat...

4/2/2008 2:42 PM


I can has retard ice cream?

4/2/2008 3:49 PM

Al Gore:

Damn! Your bowling average is less than my waistline!

4/2/2008 4:12 PM

Bill Clinton:

That 18 year old girl from High School Musical has naked photos on the web and you didn't provide a link? And you want to be a democratic president.

4/2/2008 6:31 PM