Good to have you on board, John-boy!  Seriously, this is pretty awesome, though I can't say it's a total shocker.

Don't tell anyone, but John's endorsement has been privately in my pocket for months. I don't know if it was that one time we gangbanged Hillary in that debate or the countless hours we've spent up all night talking on the phone, but John and I have made a real connection. Just two handsome bros from opposite sides of the racial tracks trying to get by. His daddy was a coal miner, my daddy was a goat herder. His met his wife in law school, I met my wife in law school (but I went to Harvard).  He's a charismatic ex-trial attorney, I'm a charismatic, super-intelligent, awesome human being.  We have so much in common. 

You know, I hesitate to use the word "bromance", but this could be the real deal. And that's hard for me to admit. Back in college I got burned badly by a bro who scammed on this betty I was into and I was heartbroken. Since then, I haven't been bromantically involved with anyone- anyone, that is, until John.  He just- I don't know how to articulate it.  But it feels right.  Like I'll call him up and be all like "Bro..." and he'll be all like "Dude, I totally get you." and that's fucking awesome to have, you know?

I'll stop because I don't want to start rambling, but now that John has come out officially as my bro not even Hillary's fake win in West Virginia (ED. NOTE: There's a West Virginia now?  When did that happen?) can slow my campaign.  Maybe I'll take a few days off now that I have some breathing room.  Maybe see if John wants to go check out Iron Man or something.  I mean, I've already seen it twice.  But with the right bro I'd go again.

(Photo credit: Associated Press)