Quick, name someone I can’t kiss? Seriously, just name one person I couldn’t kiss. They have to be alive though, and not like, in a nuclear submarine that’s running silent or some bullshit like that.

Not so easy is it?

Yeah, it’s pretty sweet.

It’s one of the perks I guess, I could literally kiss anyone under the guise of a photo op, and it’s all nice and legal. Babies, the elderly, attractive women, attractive men, you name it, anything is fair game as long as it is made clear in some preamble or post-amble banter that it’s because I respect their support or freedom or something.

I kissed this women the other day, right on her front lawn, I saw her standing there and I was like “I’m gonna kiss you” so I did, and my press attaché from the NY Times snapped a pic.

I learned something early in life, with great power, comes great opportunity. The opportunity to kiss, hug and embrace anyone in you want without being called a creep-bag.

Now I’m not saying some people don’t abuse this power (Old Billy for one), but I’m not talking about anything sexual. I’m just talking about the ability to get the least invasive intimate contact with LITERALLY ANYONE.

That is so freakin cool.

My butcher? Check. My daughter’s teacher? Check. The lady that walks dogs in the park near my house? Check.

And just think of what I could kiss as President. The world is my oyster.

If I do win, my first kiss is going to be with an old chocolate maker in Belgium. Oh man, that is going to be sweet.