As I prepare to take office, I'm assembling a world-class team of Democratic Party retreads from past administrations who've been fired by investment banks or got bored running major universities.

The #1 issue on everybody's mind is the economy. Anybody who has money is holding on to it for dear life, which means people who need it are getting thrown out of their homes. What we need is a tough, hard-nosed Treasury Secretary with a history of male chauvinism on his record. Larry Summers--come on down!

That's right--the former President of Harvard University who said there were fewer women in math and science because men were smarter. Ya gotta love the guy's refreshing honesty!

But I'm not going to make Larry Treasury Secretary just because of his obnoxious personality. I don't play favorites. Larry's my man because he's right. Chicks can't handle money!

Have you ever sat next to a table full of women trying to figure out a lunch bill. "I had the scoop of tuna on lettuce, you had the salad nicoise, Sheila had the bruschetta and Lisa had the salmon." Fer Christ sake--just split the damn thing four ways!

Or consider Hillary Clinton. She spent $200 million on her campaign and didn't even get an interview for the VP slot. I might consider making her Undersecretary of White House Hiding Places--she seems to know where to stash stuff when a grand jury comes snooping around.