My fellow Americans--everybody is entitled to make a mistake. Or two.
First, I pick a Treasury Secretary who doesn't pay $34,000 in taxes, and thinks summer camp is deductible. This is going to make IRS audits interesting. "If Tim Geithner can do it, why can't I?"
Then I pick a Health and Human Services Secretary who didn't pay $140,000 in taxes. Gotta hand it to Tom Daschle--he went all in on the flop.
So today, I am issuing a blanket "mulligan" or "do-over" or whatever you want to call it. Anybody I appoint to my cabinet will have outstanding taxes, fines and penalties forgiven, as long as they promise to be good boys and girls from now on, and don't have their fingers crossed behind their backs.
Because there's more coming. Energy Secretary Steven Chu owes the Stanford library $43.82 in overdue book fines. He checked out "Lord of the Rings" in 1994 and never returned it.
Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood has been driving around with an expired vehicle inspection sticker for three months. Ray--take the afternoon off, go to a service station and just get it done!
And me? Well, I have a confession to make. For nearly two decades I have been a fugitive from justice, ducking 17 parking tickets I picked up while at Harvard Law School. So unlike Bill Clinton, I'm not going to have an end-of-term pardon scandal.
I'm pardoning myself now, to avoid the rush!
Anonymous:
If Presedent Obama has a white mother and african father ,doesn"t that make him of mixed race? Why is everyone calling the President the first african american president.
2/4/2009 3:37 PMBarack Obama:
Duh! Because my father was African and my mother was American. Therefore, African American. It's not rocket surgery, folks!
2/4/2009 9:14 PMAnn Coulter:
I will sodomize you, rape your children and feed them to my pet cerberus . I will then write a book about it entitled " Skinless," where I say it was necessary because your'e a total fag.
2/5/2009 5:48 PMAnomynous:
I mean Presedent Obama is mixed, why don't we call him Mocha!
2/5/2009 5:50 PMBarack Obama:
oh my god! i'm looking for mr Bin Laden's blog!
2/7/2009 6:55 AMBarack Obama:
Oh my god! i'm looking for mr Bin Laden's blog! wanna known what does he think about the world to day? wanna see he comments, answer, confuse.........! wishing someday me and you and Dmitry Medvedev and berlusconi have lunch and watch a football match, may be Arsenal vs AC Milan
2/7/2009 7:01 AMamichelle:
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2/11/2009 7:31 AMAndrew Yu-Jen Wang:
Speaking of Barack Obama:
Barack Obama is a racial-minority individual, and in his heart and mind he inevitably does not endorse hate crimes committed by George W. Bush.
George W. Bush committed hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism (indicated in my blog).
George W. Bush did in fact commit innumerable hate crimes.
And I do solemnly swear by Almighty God that George W. Bush committed other hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism which I am not at liberty to mention.
Many people know what Bush did.
And many people will know what Bush did—even to the end of the world.
Bush was absolute evil.
Bush is now like a fugitive from justice.
Bush is a psychological prisoner.
Bush has a lot to worry about.
Bush can technically be prosecuted for hate crimes at any time.
In any case, Bush will go down in history in infamy.
Submitted by Andrew Yu-Jen Wang
B.S., Summa Cum Laude, 1996
Messiah College, Grantham, PA
Lower Merion High School, Ardmore, PA, 1993
“GEORGE W. BUSH IS THE WORST PRESIDENT IN U.S. HISTORY” BLOG OF ANDREW YU-JEN WANG
3/5/2009 6:46 PM______________________
I am not sure where I had read it before, but anyway, it is a linguistically excellent statement, and it goes kind of like this: “If only it were possible to ban invention that bottled up memories so they never got stale and faded.” Oh wait—off the top of my head—I think the quotation came from my Lower Merion High School yearbook.