My dear, recently departed friend Leona Helmsley left her beloved Maltese (named Trouble) a trust fund of $12 million. While this is a large sum for a small dog, you must consider the life to which Trouble has become accustomed. It’s a life of Upper East Side opulence. I’m only leaving my Yorkshire terrier something in the neighborhood of 4 million (though in our neighborhood, 4 million doesn’t go very far).
It should be noted that Trouble stood by Leona (on all fours) when very few people or other pooches did. Leona’s disgruntled employees hit her with accusation after scathing accusation while Trouble did not have a single bone to pick. Trouble, who may have known Leona Helmsley better than anyone (except yours truly), is truly heartbroken by the loss of the billionaire bitch. The millionaire Maltese will undoubtedly spend the cash wisely (she’s a discerning little bitch), and I advise PetCo on East 86th Street to stock up on sushi snacks, canine couture, and air-conditioned doghouses.
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