So Roger Clemens (hereafter: "Pigfucker") was allegedly having an affair with a teenage country music star back when Pigfucker was 28 and the girl was 15.  Nice.

I wonder if the honkey-lovin' press is gonna bend Pigfucker over the way they did me. Probably not. They'll probably lightly cornhole him with that short, skinny media dick that they save for pretty-boy celebrities. That would figure.

But let's pretend they're not pussies. How about another "Game of Shadows," you media rectal warts?  How about an intricate narrative of his abusive, philandering behavior. A lotta noise was made when news that I bought my mistress a house in Arizona was broken.  Will the Houston Chronicle be doing a Sunday pullout with a similar story?

Maybe Pigfucker built a treehouse for his little yodeling Lolita. Maybe inside that treehouse he introduced her to OxyContin, while he injected steroids into his ass, all the while thinking it was Vitamin B-12.  Pigfucker: "Whoops!  I just blew my load on your geometry homework!"

Oh well.  At least now that I'm a member of the media, I can rest easy knowing that I just made it so "Roger Clemens" and "cornhole" will yield results in a Google search.  That's pretty fucking cool. 

'Course I guess my name is on here, too.  Shit.  Maybe after A-Rod (hereafter: "Taint-Licker") leaves his desk, I'll just write this whole blog on his account. Good luck getting to 600, Taint-Licker.