What I like is a good chap who's not afraid to screw on the first date, figuratively speaking. That's why I'm really touched by the fact that you said, in a video interview for some site I've never heard of in my life (Shit. Do I own it?  Victor, can you have someone check up on this, stat?) that I "blew your mind."  Especially when you said that meeting with Rupe Murdoch just involved "hand-holding." Well, Kevin, I can tell you this: it's all you. If you'd been some limp, wishy-washy young thing, I'd have just held your hand too.  But, no, Kevin, you showed real vigor.  I appreciate that.  You've got potential, kid.

Now suck it up and sell me your damn company.  $100 mil, not a penny more.  Actually, $125 if I can have Adelson for at least five years to head a new joint venture I'm working on with Gawker Media.  (Don't ask.)  Larry and Sergey will fuck you over, kid, and not in the way you'd like.  They'll tear up your brand and rebrand it as "Google Voting" and the rest of your life will blow.

Closing note: Take that, Rupe. I always thought you needed surgery on those damned ears of yours. Who got that Portfolio cover? That's right, me, not you. Because you're an ugly S.O.B., but you know I love you. Hey, I've got the Eos in port here for the next week before Alex takes it off to Turks & Caicos. Come on over for some champagne and canapes, and I promise I'll tell the chef to use real vegemite, not that cheap imitation they make in Wisconsin. I'll have you know I fired Luis over that incident in December. I've got a new one on board, Rodrigo. Brazilian. You'll love him.

K? Call me.