There are three invisible rules in this Fed Chiefdom business:

1. Make it clear you can boss around the President.
2. Ogle but don’t talk to attractive lady business reporters.
3. Shut up after you resign.

After finding himself unable to fulfill rule number one anymore, Alan Greenspan has violated rules two and three. Before we can judge the man, we must carefully analyze his motives for committing such an irrational act.

Follow the money: Alan landed a book contract with an $8.5 million advance. Most people would have been satisfied with that. Not Alan. He was sick of watching a bunch of greased up bankers get rich off the cheap debt he created. So Al decided to preform the first LBA — Leveraged Book Advance. He borrowed $40 million on top of his advance. So now he’s got to sell a shit ton of books unless he thinks banks are going to bail him out the way he used to bail them out.

Marketing 101: If your an old white guy trying to sell a business book, you get one of the many business babes crawling about CNBC to interview you. Problem is that over the years Al’s glasses have gotten thicker, his waist has gotten larger and his sex appeal has diminished. So he ends up on 60 Minutes being interviewed by Lesley Stahl.

Here’s a photo of Lesley that was taken from her official site:

Here’s a photo of Lesley from was taken in the past two decades:

via advancewomen.org

Cover your ass: At some point, Al must have realized he leveraged too aggressively and marketed too sheepishly. He saw from my last post that I could crush him in an instant to punish him for his many monetary sins. Al never had any principals anyhow, so he quickly kisses my ass.

The money quote:

I think [Bernanke] is doing an excellent job.

Thanks Al. Remember that. On Tuesday, you’d better keep touting that line. Maybe I’ll even buy a copy of your book. But only if you sign it “To the greatest Fed Chief ever.”