Your grade school teacher might have misinformed you that there are only three branches of government here in America. There's the Executive, the Legislative, the Judicial and, as a couple reporters just figured out, the Federal Reserve. Here at the Fed, our trustees were appointed in a manner not unlike those in the Judicial Branch, and we all know how crucial it is to allow a group of men independent of accountability to decide imporant issues.

Critics whose minds are crippled by an education in political "science" rather than the true science of economics might object that unlike the other three branches, the Federal Reserve was not established by the constitution. But it's time to adapt our system of government to react to today's fast moving global market.

Now that we've completed an important round of dealmaking to save companies we think are vital to the economy, we'll be making a $300 million interest-free loan to the presidential candidate we think will benefit the economy most. Applications are due on my desk in one week.