Look, people--I've done all that I can.  The yield on T-bills is at zero, which means the government will give you money for nothing. Just promise to give it back later, okay?

People keep crying for some kind of stimulus, but for Christ's sake, there is such a thing as too much stimulus. Like a 16-year-old with a Playboy magazine and a six-pack of Vaseline Intensive Rescue Healing Hand Cream. Enough already!

So my new proposal, subject to Barney Frank yelling at me, is for everybody to go back to something that makes sense. Barter.

I give you a cow, you give me an acre of wheat. I give my wife a David Yurman Twisted Cable bracelet, she gives me a . . . never mind.

With barter, yes you need a bigger wallet, but most people will let you "keep the change". Say I come over to your house with two sheep and a draft horse for your hay wagon, and you only wanted two sheep and a donkey. I'll say "keep the excess value of the horse--you can buy me a tuna salad next time." That's the kind of social glue that binds us together as a people.

And for all of those nervous nellies who think they'll be carrying dollar bills to the grocery store in a wheelbarrow pretty soon, I've got two words for you: Not on my watch.

If you want my wheelbarrow, I need to get at least three sheep for it.