I have had it up to here with candidates saying they are concerned with my decorum once I become first spouse.

It is absurd to think the first betrothed will have nothing to do. I will have to entertain the “ball ‘n’ chain” of visiting dignitaries. I look forward to greeting Mrs. Sarkozy at Billy’s Sex Camp Camp David.

My duties will also include lighting the White House Christmas Tree (if you would like to assist please send photo and short bio) and organizing the Easter Egg hunt.

Nothing to do? Slick Willie plans to have one busy schedule when he returns to Pennsylvania Avenue as first dude.