Photo by halighalie via Flickr.

You’re not The Boss of me anymore Mr. Springsteen. Oh no, I don’t think so. For those of you who have been living in a cave the last couple weeks, you are terrorists and the United States will hunt you down and kill you. For the rest of you, by now I’m sure you’ve heard about Bruce Springsteen’s new album, which threatens the very security of this nation by calling into question vital anti-terror tactics. Mr. Springsteen is a coward and a pinhead.

I’ve invited him to join me on my show to backup his wild ideas and I’ve even offered to donate $25,000 to Habitat for Humanity if he does come to be disgraced by my wit and rhetoric on national television. That’ll build a lot of houses Mr. Springsteen. However, if you decline my invitation, I will not only refuse to donate this money, but I will instead use it to destroy 25,000 homes in New Orleans and Mississippi. Only then will you truly realize how destructive your new album is to America. Can you live with that on your conscience?

But I’m sure you won’t come on the Factor, because, after all, you were right, tramps like you were born to run. Damnit, if only your music weren’t so damn good and didn’t make me want to dance in the dark and remember the glory days, days when you would have been hung for sedition.