I’ve decided to start working on a screenplay. Those of you who are fans of mine (read: patriotic Americans) know that I have already dabbled in literature, and now I think it’s time to move to the silver screen. Without further ado, I present to you the beginnings of a masterpiece:

EXT. AN UNEXPLAINABLE PYRAMID — NOT-SO-DISTANT FUTURE

After picking up an unusually strong electromagnetic signal coming from the mid-west, a team of archaeologists discovers a mysterious pyramid. They enter the pyramid

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN:
The signal seems to be coming from inside this room here.

The team moves through the labyrinth-like maze within the pyramid towards a door marked with unintelligible symbols.

IDIOT SCIENTIST WHO IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO DIE SOON:
Help me get this door open!

A group of nondescript, attractive Hollywood males posing as scientists use their welding knowledge to torch open the door. Inside they find a highly elaborate chamber, dimly lit with more unintelligible symbols scribbled all over the wall. An overwhelming stench of staleness and hairspray permeates the air.

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN:
Wait a minute, what are those?

Camera pans left to reveal half eaten human carcasses and charred American flags. Used pantsuits are scattered across the floor. Suddenly a scraping noise can be heard. Camera shot starts shaking.

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN:
Something’s coming!

IDIOT SCIENTIST:
Oh. My. God …

Blackout

To be continued…