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Bill O'Reilly’s Blog

HvB: Whoever wins ... we lose

By Bill O'Reilly

Bio & Blog

I’ve decided to start working on a screenplay. Those of you who are fans of mine (read: patriotic Americans) know that I have already dabbled in literature, and now I think it’s time to move to the silver screen. Without further ado, I present to you the beginnings of a masterpiece:

hvb.jpg


EXT. AN UNEXPLAINABLE PYRAMID — NOT-SO-DISTANT FUTURE

After picking up an unusually strong electromagnetic signal coming from the mid-west, a team of archaeologists discovers a mysterious pyramid. They enter the pyramid

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN:
The signal seems to be coming from inside this room here.

The team moves through the labyrinth-like maze within the pyramid towards a door marked with unintelligible symbols.

IDIOT SCIENTIST WHO IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO DIE SOON:
Help me get this door open!

A group of nondescript, attractive Hollywood males posing as scientists use their welding knowledge to torch open the door. Inside they find a highly elaborate chamber, dimly lit with more unintelligible symbols scribbled all over the wall. An overwhelming stench of staleness and hairspray permeates the air.

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN:
Wait a minute, what are those?

Camera pans left to reveal half eaten human carcasses and charred American flags. Used pantsuits are scattered across the floor. Suddenly a scraping noise can be heard. Camera shot starts shaking.

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN:
Something’s coming!

IDIOT SCIENTIST:
Oh. My. God …

Blackout

To be continued…

1/18/2008 3:00 PM, New York
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Comments

rawdawgbuffalo:

I just wonder why Bill, you wont allow folks to leave comments on your blog without paying, thats not fair

2/21/2008 3:27 PM

Felix Weber:

you sir, are an idiot.

3/19/2008 6:58 PM

Popnfresh:

You Bill O'Reilly are a pompous arrogant cunt... But you are right whoever wins we lose... goes for Mcain as well. Not much of a surprise given the caliber of those pumped out by the democrats and republicans in the past... you're still a cunt.

3/20/2008 8:57 PM

Bill O'Reilly:

In today's Talking Points:

Right thinking Americans know what a con artist looks like. Talking Points had many of them on its show. Take this John Hagee fellow. He keeps going on about some African American musicians that will swoop down and take away all the Protestants and dump all us baby raping Catholics into the lake of fire with the limo riding liberals where the worm never sleeps and CNN is number one in the ratings. Talking Points decided to drop a dime to God about Hagee last night, but the Almighty was hiding under His desk and didn't get back to us.

Talking Points checked Nexus for this "rap tour" and learned there are several. Like the Big Bang, this Hagee thing is spreading its tentacles throughout the known universe. It seems that Jesus has a very small bus and has to make several trips to get everyone He's invited. Fortunately He only has to drive to one church parking lot. Talking Points will investigate further to determine whether Hagee believes in a Pre-Twiggy or Post-Twiggy rap tour.

4/1/2008 12:22 AM

BRUCEZEE:

Mr. O'reilly; I have learned alot from watching your show, I can't get enough of it.
I have learned a new word, "transparency" . It means "In your face America".

3/11/2009 1:06 PM