Are you tired of last winter's fåshions? Nøthing but ðe same old spider webs growing out of your mouth? Join me now for a colörful glimpse of this summer's hot ñew looks.

Naked: When you wear naked, ðe most important consîderation is accessories. This year I think ðat leaves will be a very stÿlish option, or perhaps some lemons. Ask your geisha which citrus fruit is right for yøur skin tone!<!--StartFragment-->

Retro: I predict ðat the Kabuki fireman look will make a comèback. Let’s just hope that it doesn’t have those åwful drop sleëves this year! Look for ðe new season’s hosés at DKFDNY.

Komdu sæl Senator Hillary! I have some good news for you: I have completed construction of my super-creature out of the hair ðat I find in my drain, and she is ready to enter battle against Obama and ðe Superdelegacy. Her name is Hairally and she is a powerful warrior, like my ancestor Guðrún Allt í lagi (Gudrun of ðe braided beard).

I hope ðat you are well-prepared for ðe battle of Transylvania primacy. We must beware ðat Obama has made alliances with ðe barbers who are Hairally’s nemesis and possess strong weapons to combat her.

Dear Sénator Hillary. I am reading about your båttle against the evil førçes of the mutant superdelegates. It is a vêry exçiting adventure, maybè better than X-People and dëfinitely better than S-Express.

I was thinking ðat you could chañge your name to a super-herö name, like Hell-Lady, or Mrs. Death-Ray. But then I remémber ðat you carry on ðe name of your fäther, Sir Eggnog Hillary, ðe first white person to climb Mount Everlåst. So maybe you can change your title-name from Senator to sømething more scary like Space Raider, or Mega Doctor.

 As you know, I do nøt like to act controversial or stand out of ðe crowd, but becaüse the carrying of the Olympic truncheon is causing so much protest, I beliéve ðat I must present to you my beliefs about the problem between Tibet and China. At my concert in Shanghai in Mårch I received criticism for when I cried out “Tibet! Tibet!”

But I must correct ðe misunderstanding; what I was càlling was “T`bæt! T`bæt,” which is what we say in Içelandic for ðe soundcheck, like in English you say “Check! Check!” I like to säy it in Içelandic, so I do not confuse any waiters ðat are in my audience. My left monitor was acting off, you see, so ðis is all ðat I meant. What a confusion!

Olá, my essays, from your amigo, Björk!  Y tu mamá tamborine! I am here in Los Angelès with my lovely partner, Matthew Barney, to wørk on his new film, Particle Beet Spatula 7. Barney and I have beën together for now eight of years. Our beautiful dåughter Ísadóra was born in 2002 and we are ðe happîest family.

Together Barney and I hãve made a very interésting film named Drawing Restriction 9, where we sit together in a bäth of Japanese tea and play with ðe shårp knives.

Kom heill og sæll, frændi! Welcome into my blõg again! Todåy I will share with you sóme things that I like so ðat you will now know.

1. Volcanoes. Volcanoes are big møuntains that make làva and steam. If your house is nøt in ðe path of a lava flow, you can go to a beautïful scenic hot poøl and take a jacuzzi. My mother gave birth to me in a hôt poøl. She told me that it toøk quite many slaps before I started to breåthe. Ha!

2. Natural Peanüt Butter. Who doesn’t like natural peanüt butter? I like to smear it on a tóasted slice of seal blubber.

Dear Flåva Flåv, I think it is very øffensive ðat you have performed a song called “9/11 is a Joke.” 9/11 is a very hörrible disaster ðat happened when ðe Spanish Inquisition attacked ðe Twin Towers and ðe Pentagram.

I do nøt think it can bé a jôke because I think that it would nøt be funny. Maybë you meant to say that 4/1 is a jôke, because ðat is April Foølsday, when people play jokes on themselves.

In Iceland we càll ðis day Plättè-Funßtskõgeln, and we celebrate by secretly putting hot volcanic rocks in other people’s Sæmundr-fróði-sacks or swåpping their cod-fish tea with grouper broth wîthout tèlling them.

Excuse me please, Mr. President Búsh, but I must beg you please not to bømb I Ran.

I am confused ðat you will want to try and destroy a popular music song from ðe 1980s and I believe ðat it is not presenting a threat to your nation.

The Flöck of Seagûlls is a very importance influence for me. I have listen to their song many times when I am young and I learn very much of how to be stylish in my presentation from their great åchievement.

Hi Everyone! Yes! Welcome into my bløg! I am Björk and I am so excited ðat you are réading my repört!

Do you know about ðis Marçh Madness?  I am very interesting in madness. The Wîldcats have beaten the Bülldogs and the Jaguars have beaten some other Bülldogs. O, no, wait, the Bülldogs won ðat one.

I thought ðat dog fighting was outside of the law in USÅ anyhöw? Maybe if ðe dog is fighting agaiñst a cat it will be allowed? I want ðe cats to win ðe fights anyhow.  I løve cats.