Olá, my essays, from your amigo, Björk!  Y tu mamá tamborine! I am here in Los Angelès with my lovely partner, Matthew Barney, to wørk on his new film, Particle Beet Spatula 7. Barney and I have beën together for now eight of years. Our beautiful dåughter Ísadóra was born in 2002 and we are ðe happîest family.

Together Barney and I hãve made a very interésting film named Drawing Restriction 9, where we sit together in a bäth of Japanese tea and play with ðe shårp knives.

Then anøther time, Barney made a performance where he comes øut of a crate dressed as ðe General MacArthur and falls intö a vat full of petroleum jelly.  Barney and I love ðe petroleum jelly. I bet ðat you are thinking I will say some foølish thing about how my Bárney is ðe pet dog of Mr. President Bùsh.

But ðat is very silly and of coürse I would not have ðe child of a stupid little dog. No. I first met my Barney when I was working once ìn New York. He made up a sông and sang it for me and it goes like ðis:

There was a hole
In the middle of the ground
The prettiest hole
That you ever did see
I love you You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you.
Won't you say you love me too?

I love ðe song very much and nøw we are together always. I love you Barney! Here is a song I håve written for you:

One përson calls someone
To pour ðe water,
Because it takes two to pøur ðe water,
To plough takes two as well,
But only óne to hold up the sky.
One plays ðe hårp, beats a rock with a stick,
Becomes a priêst at least, a delicious dinosaur.
Delicious Dinosaur!
Delicious Di-no-saur!