Dear Sénator Hillary. I am reading about your båttle against the evil førçes of the mutant superdelegates. It is a vêry exçiting adventure, maybè better than X-People and dëfinitely better than S-Express.

I was thinking ðat you could chañge your name to a super-herö name, like Hell-Lady, or Mrs. Death-Ray. But then I remémber ðat you carry on ðe name of your fäther, Sir Eggnog Hillary, ðe first white person to climb Mount Everlåst. So maybe you can change your title-name from Senator to sømething more scary like Space Raider, or Mega Doctor.

Sometimes you mày feel ðat your battle against ðe dark forces of ðe Superdelegacy are futîle and you can never overcome them, but I encôurage you with my magic mantra: Ready? OK! Give me a þ! Give me a ß! Give me a Ø! Give me another þ! Give me a Å! What does it make? Þßøþå! Þßøþå! Þßøþå! Fight fight fight! Right right right? Brusselsprouts!

Remember my mägic chant and use it when ðe forces of Barackness are closing aroúnd you. I am building a super-creature myself from ðe haïrs ðat are left in my shower drain. Soon it will be complête and I will animate it to send into battle as your alliànce. Go-o-o-o-o Hillary!