Associated Press

What up, dudes and dudettes? I’ll tell ya what’s up: looks like that writers’ strike might be ending soon!

Finally. I don’t get what’s up with those whiny wannabe Shakespeares. My boys at the Director’s Guild of America knocked out a contract in, like, a day. True, we were totally wasted during the negotiations and our only demand was “a icy-cold keg of Keystone Light before the Oscars,” but we got it done, ‘cuz we’re not in this for the money. We’re in this for the art. Like when that Asian dude accidentally says “Toto” instead of “Tito” in RH3. That’s real art, bros. That moment’ll be up in some museum next to the Mona Lisa in a hundred years. You just wait ‘n see.

Apparently, what got the writers’ pigtails in a bunch was this internet thing. They wanted to get money when their stuff got viewed online. Pssssh! I don’t know about you guys, but when I download a movie on Limewire or watch an episode of Prison Break at Fox.com, I don’t send the producers a twenty! These writers must have no idea how business gets done, unless they think people on the internet start shoving dollar bills into their computers to watch stuff. Man, where’s their brains?

I’ll keep you guys updated on all this strike stuff, which will hopefully be over real soon. That way I can get someone to write me a sequel to my hit thriller, Red Dragon. I’m thinkin’ this time it’s a chick who needs Hannibal Lecter’s help. And he helps her track down some crazy dude. And then Hannibal escapes prison! I won’t say anymore, but I gotta feeling this one will blow you away. Maybe Jodie Foster for the chick? Nah, this part has Tara Reid written all over it.