Associated Press

This Sunday, after attending services at the Holy Church of the Open-Neck Shirt and Parliament Lights, I found myself bumping down the boulevard, taking in the sight of all the voluptuous vixens venerating the Hitch. There’s no God, people, dig that; but there is the Hitch.

How about this? I believe in the power of the ladies. I groove on your scent. I shaved last month, and I’m thinking about investing in a shower for the Georgetown condo. Whenever I go on the national television shows hosted by Larry King and that Oompa-Loompa chick who cooks or something, they ask me about G-O-D, and I just tell them I believe whatever hot mamas like yourselves believe. I believe in the beat. I believe in the night. I believe in musk. I believe in love and also ass-play.