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Christopher Walken’s Blog

Osama dances like an infidel

By Christopher Walken

Bio & Blog

There has been a lot of talk about Bin Laden’s new video being a forgery. Some mention the fact that the video freezes during the most salient sections. This reminds me of a forged video I made a few years back. Check it out below:

Conspiracy theorists note that Bin Laden’s video freezes at the 1:58 mark, as which point he begins making some of his most prescient observations. Please notice that at the 1:58 mark of my video, my soul actually freezes, at which point I make some of my most prescient leg kicks. Look closely: I am ice fucking cold. I could pull those stupid chopsticks out of your hair, stab you in the kidneys, and eat your nephrons one at a time without dropping a single one.

Notice also that at the 0:37 mark, I make subtle indications that I pay little heed to the social contract. But I am not sure about that part. Sometimes I just like to make faces.

Through all of this, I just keep dancing really, really well. That’s how you can tell that the video is a forgery. You know how we pulled this off? We just pasted my face on my buddy Travolta’s old body. And then just for fun we pasted his new fat face on his old body. Man, he looked like one stupid fat-faced asshole.

I bet you Bin Laden hates to dance at weddings. I bet you he just sits at one of the tables and watches all his uncles and makes snide comments. But then I bet one of his pudgy aunts comes over and tries to drag him out on the dance floor, and he tries to laugh it off, but she keeps pulling, so he goes “No, I REALLY don’t want to” like a little bit too loud. Christ, it’s a wedding, you dickhole.

I bet you he pulled the same shit at the prom. I bet you his date finally got him out on the dance floor, and he wouldn’t move his feet. He would just throw his hands in the air as if the consequences of doing so were negligible. And then he would just kept throwing gang signs like he was so funny and ironic. And then she would try to do little spin and he would grab her and be like “No, stay close to me!” with white-hot fear in his eyes.

Man, when that fuckdouche gets to heaven, those virgins are gonna be pissed. They love to dance.

9/12/2007 3:45 PM, Los Angeles
11 comments

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Comments

Christopher Walken:

Peter,
That's great! I also like showing Osama tapes to children!

9/13/2007 10:09 PM

Christopher Walken:

George,
I quite enjoyed your analysis, that is why I wanted to spread it around to some of my friends. You are also quite right in the fact that I indeed cannot fly. Like I said, we had to paste my face onto Travolta's body for that part. He is actually filled with helium at all times.

9/13/2007 5:47 PM

The China Tattler:

Wow...I get it...the dude in the video purporting to be of Bin Laden is really Christopher Walken in his finest acting performance to date.

9/13/2007 5:46 PM

Jimprov:

If you really were Christopher Walken, you would have remembered that you were a professional dancer for many years before making that music video. Palm to your slippery forehead.

9/14/2007 1:28 PM

Ben Laden:

you are ice fucking cold!

9/13/2007 11:36 PM

burr:

this shit is hot like fire burn baby, get off your ass and write something new...and tell al gore to stop jockin me and stealin my jokes

9/20/2007 10:43 PM

Peter Hill:

This video has been my 4 year olds favorite for at least a year. He absolutely loves it.

9/13/2007 10:00 PM

SWIM:

Hey there... this isn't really Christopher Walken though, is it... I'll tell you what tipped me off - (first time to this site btw)
What tipped me off was the fact that Tom Cruise also has a blog on here.;. I read the first few lines of one
of his posts and, well, I tell that it was fake. I was buying the Walken blog until I noticed all the other crazy
celeb blogs that are obviously fake.

Ah well, live and learn I guess.

9/13/2007 4:15 PM

George Maschke:

I'm the author of the first post linked in your article, and just wanted to clarify that while the fact that in Osama Bin Laden's latest putative address to the American people, all references to current events occur at points where the video is frozen, strongly suggests forgery, I make no claim regarding who is responsible for such. I'm no conspiracy theorist, and I certainly don't think the U.S. government was behind 9/11. But something is indeed very strange about this Bin Laden video, and it perplexes me that the mainstream media have not questioned it.

The key point regarding the latest Bin Laden video is that it provides no more evidence that Bin Laden is alive today than your humorous video does that you can fly.

9/13/2007 6:08 AM

Me:

To George Maschke:

Shut-up.

9/13/2007 4:12 PM

John Cheese:

Everytime I read a comment from someone who doesn't get it ("Swim" "Jimprov"), it makes me want to set one of my own children on fire. It just reinforces the idea that yes, people in general really are that fucking stupid.

Great writing, by the way.

10/30/2007 6:15 PM