There has been a lot of talk about Bin Laden’s new video being a forgery. Some mention the fact that the video freezes during the most salient sections. This reminds me of a forged video I made a few years back. Check it out below:
Conspiracy theorists note that Bin Laden’s video freezes at the 1:58 mark, as which point he begins making some of his most prescient observations. Please notice that at the 1:58 mark of my video, my soul actually freezes, at which point I make some of my most prescient leg kicks. Look closely: I am ice fucking cold. I could pull those stupid chopsticks out of your hair, stab you in the kidneys, and eat your nephrons one at a time without dropping a single one.
Notice also that at the 0:37 mark, I make subtle indications that I pay little heed to the social contract. But I am not sure about that part. Sometimes I just like to make faces.
Through all of this, I just keep dancing really, really well. That’s how you can tell that the video is a forgery. You know how we pulled this off? We just pasted my face on my buddy Travolta’s old body. And then just for fun we pasted his new fat face on his old body. Man, he looked like one stupid fat-faced asshole.
I bet you Bin Laden hates to dance at weddings. I bet you he just sits at one of the tables and watches all his uncles and makes snide comments. But then I bet one of his pudgy aunts comes over and tries to drag him out on the dance floor, and he tries to laugh it off, but she keeps pulling, so he goes “No, I REALLY don’t want to” like a little bit too loud. Christ, it’s a wedding, you dickhole.
I bet you he pulled the same shit at the prom. I bet you his date finally got him out on the dance floor, and he wouldn’t move his feet. He would just throw his hands in the air as if the consequences of doing so were negligible. And then he would just kept throwing gang signs like he was so funny and ironic. And then she would try to do little spin and he would grab her and be like “No, stay close to me!” with white-hot fear in his eyes.
Man, when that fuckdouche gets to heaven, those virgins are gonna be pissed. They love to dance.