So they found the body of Bigfoot in a freezer. Let that be a lesson to all you mythological creatures. When you borrow money from me, I expect it back.
Last month Bigfoot comes up to me. He says he’s having a slow month, could I help? I say, “What do you need? You want to meet with some producers? Talk to my agent? Work on my house?” I got gutters you wouldn’t believe.
He says, “I need $100,000 dollars.” Won’t tell me what’s it’s for. I should have seen the warning signs. He’s on smack. But, for the kids, I give him the money. He promises two weeks.
So two weeks go by, wouldn’t you know, no Bigfoot. His cellphone goes straight to voicemail, my emails get bounced back ... real high school crap. I go looking for him, no address. I track him down to Georgia, the locals say he doesn’t exist. This guy knows how to welch.
So finally I corner him in a Taco Bell on Route 6. He’s working beans. I say, “Bigfoot, what are you doing here? You got $100,000 of my money.” He gives me this sob story about a unicorn and a development deal. I’m not listening. I’m looking at the track marks in his fur.
I say, “This is serious.”He says, “What are you gonna do, bitch? I’m 7 feet, 7 inches tall.”
I’ll spare you the ugly details but suffice to say, nobody’s going to be talking any more blurry photos of this guy.
I’m not proud of my actions. I don’t like leaning on creatures of folklore. But I’m a businessman. I can’t make exceptions.
See you tomorrow, griffin.
questionable:
is it just me, or when you want to prove something, you take multiple photos from all possible angles? Why just one photo. When I get in a car accident...i take a gazillion pictures to stick it to the sucker that hit me. these guys either only had one picture left on their throw away cam, or picked the best picture that would convince people that they have the real thing..
8/15/2008 12:51 PMAnn Coulter:
This is bigfoot. Liberals never want to see the truth. I have several relatives that have seen bigfoot. My uncle Cletus had his firework stand destroyed by one, liberals would not believe him even though he took a lie dectory test. Another occasion my cousin Bilbo was accused being a peeping tom by a wicked liberal teenage girl, turns out it was bigfoot. I hate stupid liberals.
8/15/2008 1:44 PMRip:
I got a fever, and the only prescription is a dead bigfoot!
8/15/2008 1:10 PMJ to tha Mizzle:
Hilarious. Nicely done.
8/15/2008 1:17 PMKenny:
Awesome!
8/15/2008 1:27 PMJessica Simpson:
So if we ate him, would he be white meat or bigfoot meat??
Just wondering?
Jes
8/15/2008 1:42 PMChristopher Walken:
Doesn't matter to me. It looks simply delicious.
8/15/2008 7:59 PMBen Bernanke:
Another victim of the subprime loan market.
8/15/2008 2:05 PMTarzan:
After a close examination of the pic, I was startled to see that the creature is my mother-in-law. She spends a lot of time in deep freezes to aleviate her hot flashes.
8/15/2008 2:20 PMLaura Bush:
Hey gang, I really think that was the real Ann Coulter posting above, because it is the same tired schtick she puts in every one of her posts, and even I'm tired of the unfunniness of it. One question though, why does her breath smell so much like my husband? Anyone?
8/15/2008 2:33 PMCondoleezza Rice:
She better stay away from my, er, your husband.
9/9/2008 12:09 PMArnold Schwarzenegger:
I was originally sent back in time to terminate this creature. My failures are Mr. Walken's gains. Needless to say, the bigfoot has been terminated. Remember to vote.
Arnie -
8/15/2008 3:05 PMJohn Edwards:
I'd like to admit that I did have a short affair with a female Bigfoot. She now has a child, but I swear it isn't mine. I'd take a paternity test, but Mrs. Bigfoot doesn't want me to. Also, the timing is all wrong. I was with her much too early for the creature's child to be mine.
8/15/2008 3:36 PMSoozin:
I need more cowbell.
8/15/2008 4:12 PMGG`:
So did bigfoot.
8/15/2008 4:23 PMBjork:
Bjork bjork
8/15/2008 5:01 PMBarack Obama:
This discovery provides new hope for America. With an Obama-Bigfoot ticket, we will bring about real change to our country. Yes we can!
8/15/2008 5:35 PMMr. T:
I pity the foot
8/15/2008 9:57 PMMiley Cyrus:
hey y'a'llllll!!! ha ha ha!!!!! that looks aLot like my ex-boyfriend!!!!! but i think i should've stayed with nick jonas!!!! not! i think bigfoot is so much cuter than nick!!!! that is only because i have no taste in boys!
8/15/2008 11:45 PMMiley Cyrus:
hey y'a'llllll!!! ha ha ha!!!!! that looks aLot like my ex-boyfriend!!!!! but i think i should've stayed with nick jonas!!!! not! i think bigfoot is so much cuter than nick!!!! that is only because i have no taste in boys!
8/15/2008 11:45 PMTom Cruise:
It's a Big Foot!, It's a BigFoot!
8/16/2008 12:42 AMDr. Phil:
How does that make you feel?
8/16/2008 5:15 PMDick Cheney:
The Bigfoot is not a Mythical Creature, but an Iranian Terrorist bent on destroying our nation. And that is why we should bomb the hell out of Iran. Vote McCain '08!
8/16/2008 6:17 PMBill Gates:
TOOL!
8/16/2008 6:32 PMAlanis Morissette:
It's ironic..dont you think?
8/17/2008 1:20 AMMichael Jackson:
I would just like to support John Edwards' statements. The bigfoot child is not his, it belongs to me. I am sorry for this turn of events; i know most of you thought I WAS the bigfoot child. I am sorry to decieve all of you for so long, but i just felt so guilty for lying to my mother, Donald Trump.
8/17/2008 4:31 PMParis Hilton:
He's got like the biggest harriest balls. Bigger than Obamas!
8/18/2008 4:37 AMBigfoot:
This never happened. I am still here watching all of you doing all the crazy and insane things that you do. You are a bunch of retarded monkeys
8/18/2008 12:25 PMGeorge W. Bush:
The only pet my dad would let me have when I was living at home was a retarded monkey.
8/18/2008 1:35 PMAl Sharpton:
Walken,
8/18/2008 6:21 PMThis is a racially motived HATE CRIME!!!
Brad Pitt:
FUnny!
8/19/2008 12:19 AMAngelina Jolie:
Brad get back in the house, and eat another of these tasty hot dogs.
8/19/2008 1:07 PMBill Clinton:
I've got a tasty hot dog you can have.
8/19/2008 1:08 PMHeidi Montag:
i'm still trying to figure out if "Sasquatch" is Bigfoot's name, or if that's the name of his species
8/19/2008 9:56 PMBigfoot:
I'm dead, in a freezer. Please help.
8/20/2008 11:31 AMSnoop Dogg:
Thats a Beeoth this wa In't real as i thought I'd found my hoamie Brutha
8/21/2008 2:15 AMLarry the Cable Guy:
hay snoop, wear n dee hell you ben. I have not scene you in a long tyme. Anyways I gotta git bak to my GED class.
8/21/2008 3:50 AMShaquille O'Neal:
bigfoot is a punk , I'll beat his hairy ass, my feet are bigger then his, anytime anywhere bigfoot! !!
8/21/2008 11:10 PMAl Sharpton:
This is a tragedy for bof the bigfeet and blackmen of america, for the whiteman to degrade the body and exploit the death of a bigfoot is a blatant smack in the face to every blackman in the world, shame on these two racist, backwoods, hillbillin ,cracker headed opportunist. may Barrack help us
8/21/2008 11:20 PMTom Brady:
Can I get one of bigfoot's ACLs
9/17/2008 10:41 PM