Associated Press

I’m actually glad the San Francisco Chronicle ran a story about my inability to get an op-ed published in any newspaper in the world. Because a lot of stuff like this has been happening lately, and it’s beginning to worry me.

Just to give you one example, I offered an impressive aid package to Mauritania on behalf of the State Department, no strings attached. And for some reason they didn’t want anything to do with me. Something about a lack of credibility.

And another time recently, I went out to a pretty classy bar in DC, just for a few drinks. You would think as secretary of state I would get preferential treatment, but they actually made me wait outside behind the velvet rope for a good three hours. Then they closed before I was let in.

My cat hisses at me and refuses to eat anything I feed it and has now resorted to hunting small varmint between the walls and floorboards.

I called my mom the other day just to talk, and she hung up on me. Actually that last one wasn’t out of the ordinary.