Only love can conquer hate. – Marvin Gaye

My fellow Tibetans, I know China’s gotcha down, but you can’t make love with a rock in one hand and a torch in the other. (You can, however, according to the “Kama Sutra,” pleasure five women at once using a harness and all your extremities. It’s amazing what you learn being exiled in India for fifty years!)

Let’s not rise in anger. Let’s rise, instead, to the sweet sounds of the 1970’s. Back before primal funk was corrupted by corporate disco. Before gettin’ down became movin’ up. Before weed became coke.

Whenever I feel like bashing a communist’s skull, I sit back, sip on some Hennessy, and listen to Barry White. It’s how I mellow, man.

So, I say to you protestors: I dig your cause, but if you wanna be a cool cat, first you gotta clean your claws.