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Dalai Lama’s Blog

Get ready for the Lama-lympics!

By Dalai Lama

Bio & Blog

Sieg Heil, Chancellor Merkel! Lots of Lama love to you, my German dumpling, for announcing your boycott of the Bejing Olympics. Now that you've pulled out, come spend your wad of Deutschemarks right here in Dharamsala, India, site of the 2008 Lama-lympics!

Due to my testy relationship with those ass-cranks in the Chinese government, I can’t officially call for an Olympic boycott. However, no one said I couldn’t hold my own competition! Check out the line-up of events:

  • Extreme Meditation. Competitors must keep their focus while being subjected to electrified nipple clamps and artfully-arranged pyramids of naked Swedish girls. (Currently seeking U.S. expertise)
  • Speed Yak-Milking. Celibate monks take out their frustrations by stroking yak utters at a disturbing pace.
  • Non-violent Hockey. The audience mindfully stares at an empty sheet of ice for two hours.
  • Reincarnation Relays. Souls are passed from teammate to teammate as they race up a winding staircase. 

Please get back to us, my German friends. We'd like to start the opening ceremonies soon. We will be lighting the torch on a street fire in Tibet.

 

4/3/2008 12:28 PM, Dharamsala, India
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Comments

George W. Bush:

What da hiel is dis piis a crap?

4/3/2008 2:22 PM
Reply

Hugo Chavez:

Polish George Bush, is that you?

4/4/2008 4:16 PM
Reply

Anonymous:

Why you hating on me? Last time we got together, we held hands and walked around the South Lawn. You said my blissful expressions reminded you of a coke dealer you used to know.

4/3/2008 2:54 PM
Reply

Tang xiuli:

Mind you business while writing a story on sensitive matter. Dalai Lama is a symbol of peace, considered in all over the world. Even in the great land of China. How dare you write such story splitting Dalai Lama from China. He is very much acting for the Tibetan people and China as a whole. rather than boycotting 2008 olympics.

Please mind that. Writing something is the most easiest way to express your feelings. but it doesn't mean that you don't have the moral human responsibility. You know there are so many CCP's spy who want to spread this kind of rumuor around the world to bring Dalai Lama down. '

Though I am chinese, I have a respect and I take Dalai Lama as a god for me.
Be careful.
your chinese felow Tang

4/4/2008 12:47 AM
Reply

Laura Bush:

US Senators urge China to resolve Tibet crisis peacefully

WASHINGTON, April 3, 2008 (AFP) - More than 25 US Senators urged China to end the crisis in Tibet peacefully, in a letter to Chinese President Hu Jintao, they said in a statement Thursday.
"The letter urges President Hu to respect the human rights of the Tibetan people and to promote a peaceful resolution of the current crisis through direct talks between the Chinese government and the Dalai Lama, Tibet's exiled spiritual leader," the statement said.
"A mutually respectful dialogue between the Chinese government and the Dalai Lama can restore peace and stability and begin to address the legitimate grievances of the Tibetan people that fueled the recent unrest," said Senator
Joseph Biden.
"I cannot imagine a more powerful symbol of the motto of the Beijing Olympics - 'One World, One Dream' - than to have President Hu Jin-tao and the Dalai Lama jointly attend the opening ceremony of the games, united in their commitment to promote genuine reconciliation on the Tibetan plateau."
Exiled Tibetan leaders say 135 to 140 people have died in the Chinese crackdown on demonstrations in Tibet. China insists it has acted with restraint and killed no one, while blaming Tibetan rioters for the deaths of 20 people.
US President George W. Bush has said he intends to be at the August 8 opening of the Beijing Olympics.

4/4/2008 12:56 AM
Reply

Dalai Lama:

Hey people, if I wanted to read the news filtered through some ass-monkey's agenda, I would log on to the Chinese Internet. The Dalai comes here to kick it and chill, not to sweat the small stuff. (I learned that in a book.)

4/4/2008 9:07 AM
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