I just saw The Incredible Hulk, and, indeed, it was Incredible. The animatronics are life-like, the Hulk's stomach almost as flat and toned as my six-pack during Baywatch's critically adored fifth season (my personal fave).
However, it is my sad duty to report that Ed -- can I call you Ed, Edward? -- Norton's performance in The Otherwise Incredible Hulk is best described as a hulking batch of shittiness. For starters, we all know about his petulant behavior, unbecoming of a true celebrity. Refusing to do publicity? Are you insane?!
That's tantamount to saying God can go fuck Himself. You just don't do it under any circumstances.
Also, every time he opens his mouth, Ed Norton sounds like a weasel. I know that weasels can't talk (at least I think they can't), but if weasels could talk, they'd sound like Ed. I don't suppose there's anything to be done about that.
Along with acting skills best left on a cafeterium stage at a bad public school, Ed "Shorten" Norton commits the unforgivable sin of being a little man. Whereas I'm a robust 6'4".
Perhaps this is a topical treatment for another time, but what is Hollywood thinking casting midgets as superheroes? Yeah, I'm looking at you, Spider-Man.
Who wants short superheroes? I'm not thinking of my career, per se -- this is about the kids. For their sake, heroes should be no shorter than 6'4". (And no taller.)
But I don't want to start ranting here. You wouldn't like me when I rant. At any rate, it's no small wonder, so to speak, that Salma Hayek packed up her fantastic breasts and left Ed for Penelope Cruz.
In short, my friends, that is why Edtard Shorten should hang it up as an actor.
Hey, Hollywood! Call me if you ever want to make a great superhero movie with an experienced actor who is 6'4" cast as the lead! Plus, I have a little friend who could play my sidekick if for some reason you're still interested in little midget people.
(Photos by artfiles.art.com and Ignitenow.wordpress.com)
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