When the best school rankings came out this morning, I didn't want to look. For too many years Trump U has not only missed out on the top 5, but hasn't cracked the list altogether!
But then I got a kick of optimism. We recently revamped our success stories page to include more testimonials from satisfied alums. And surely my extensive letter-writing campaign could only help:
You suck! Here's an idea: stop being so terrible.
-- The Donald
So I got out a sheet a paper to cover up the lower names on the list, so I could dramatically reveal the selections one by one:
#1 Harvard -- OK, probably a legacy pick.
#2 Princeton -- East coast school. Heard of it. Some of these schools get picked for their large endowments instead of academics.
But folks after that it got absurd:
#4 Stanford? Cali-schools? Can they put the ganga down long enough to make it to class?
#5 Massachusetts Institute of Technology/ #6 California Institute of Technology -- Without business investment technology wouldn't even exist!
#15 John Hopkins? John who-kins? What skyscrapers does he own?
#50 Yeshiva - Isn't that a rabbi school?!
OK, let's get the big elephant out of the room, shall we? So we're not accredited. Whatever that means. I'm sure it's just like a liquor license, as soon as I figure out who to pay, we'll get that taken care of.