The Apprentice is so 2005. I’m ready to make daytime TV spicy. Envision Dr. Phil and Judge Judy on steroids — Trump Style.

If you have money-related issues with your landlord or your wife wants half, forget a counselor, come and see me. My advice isn’t free, but it is priceless. For $1,995 per panelist, I’ll show you how to get all the girls while making millions — no billions. It will be the best $1,995 you ever spent.

As an added bonus, my studio audience will get free Trump steaks and Trump water. Did you know I have the best cows in the world? My water is the best tasting water on the planet. I started digging my well years ago long before I was thirsty.

My first guest will be my good friend Rosie of course. We’ll set the record straight about why she’s such a moron. It will be the best daytime TV episode ever.