Wall street is in turmoil, investments are collapsing, and lines of credit have dried up. If you knew anything at all about making money you would know that this is the best time to buy!
"Buy what?" you ask. I'll tell you what -- now is the time to stock up on my new Trump Credit Crunch crispy snack bars. Candy? Yes, candy!
In times like these, there are countless reasons to buy my new financially savvy treats:
- Its crunchy texture and rich, chocolatey flavor will help you forget that you owe twice as much on your house as it's worth and you just got rejected for a Best Buy gift card.
- With over 500 calories apiece, you can survive on just a handful of bars a day, which is what you'll need to do since you can no longer afford any other food.
- At only 49 cents each, it would cost you more not to buy one!*
*Mathetmatically impossible, but your poor money management skills got you into this jam in the first place.
So remember--just because you've lost your job, your house, your retirement account, and your will to live is no reason to deny yourself a sweet and crispy snack any time of day! Please buy one now. I really need this.
Ashley Alexandra Dupre:
Does it have nuts? I'll only eat it if nuts will be in my mouth.
10/16/2008 3:17 PMParis Hilton:
In that case, I'll take 2.
10/16/2008 3:18 PMJohn Mayer:
I've always been a big fan of nuts myself.
10/16/2008 9:46 PMJohn Mayer:
Oh son of a bitch. I always comment and then when I read it later it sounds gay. Fuck.
10/16/2008 9:46 PMAnonymous:
Dude. Update your pic. You haven't had the emo-fro in years.
10/17/2008 12:20 AMKim Jong-il:
Expect riots
10/17/2008 11:37 PMAmy Winehouse:
Well people have been saying that I look to thin.......do they have any heroin in them?
10/19/2008 10:48 PMThe Almost Millionaire:
Amazing what Trump will come up with. You can't hold down the man! If only the wind would stop blowing and his hair could be held down!
4/3/2009 11:15 PM