Warm and sunny Erie, PA

One hundred million dollars was secretly donated to the charities of Erie, PA by some tool named Anonymous Friend.

Charity is terrible. You know that, I know that. God knows that (Trump note: There is no God, only nothingness and despair). I’ll tell you who is behind this: Rosie – God of Cake. Only a weak, gross blob would give away that kind of purse without determining the optimal asset allocation or investing in REITs and credit derivatives.

Instead of dividing it equally among 46 charities, do it the Trump way. Give it to Trump. Ha! That was a joke. Although I will be appropriating 15 million for my charity, Finding Beauty Queens From Pathetic Poverty Places.

The Apprentice is so 2005. I’m ready to make daytime TV spicy. Envision Dr. Phil and Judge Judy on steroids — Trump Style.

If you have money-related issues with your landlord or your wife wants half, forget a counselor, come and see me. My advice isn’t free, but it is priceless. For $1,995 per panelist, I’ll show you how to get all the girls while making millions — no billions. It will be the best $1,995 you ever spent.

As an added bonus, my studio audience will get free Trump steaks and Trump water. Did you know I have the best cows in the world? My water is the best tasting water on the planet. I started digging my well years ago long before I was thirsty.

My first guest will be my good friend Rosie of course. We’ll set the record straight about why she’s such a moron. It will be the best daytime TV episode ever.

Associated Press

I’ve included my photograph so that I can make confident and aggressive eye contact with you while I speak words to you through the form of what the kids are calling “Blog.” Now, a lot of my critics have called me a shameless self-promoter. If by “shameless” they mean “proud,” and by “self-promoter” they mean “multi-billionaire,” then yes, I can see from their POV lane. Bam, Trump zinger. Plenty more where that came from.

It’s time to reveal the reason for which my mood is currently set to “annoyed.” Forbes 400 still has listed me as the 43rd most wealthy person in America, at a net worth of $2.6 billion.

Forbes has ignored my demands to recall all copies of the September ‘06 issue and reprint with a correction. Forbes forgot one critical factor when he composed his list. “Rule of thumb: Trump equals number one.” Bam, rhymezone.com is handy. Forbes is either misinformed, or a malicious liar who is out to ruin my self esteem, and my right to the one spot.

Forbes, I am speaking to you right now through blog. Do you mean to tell me I am supposed to believe that some computer geek is worth my income 20 times over? Hah, Trump beats kids like him up on the playground all day. Second is not in the Trump Dictionary, let alone 43rd.

Trump here, typing on this blog.

So far when Trump has written blog, Trump has not mentioned the monster who-must-not-be-named (rhymes with Nosie BoFonnel). I know you (my blog fans) have noticed this (wink). Let it be known that everything in my blog is purposeful and with well-intentioned—every little nuance, every punctuation, every tiny dot over my eyes.

Hey fans, Donald here. Building a hot new Trump building in SoHo, I dig it. I’m writing BLOG in response to the activist babies crying that I’m undermining zoning laws by bringing luxury condos into SoHo. I have a hard time respecting babies because they’re just not old enough to talk or walk yet, and I also don’t like how large their heads are in comparison to their bodies. They cry and sleep, and the Donald can’t respect that. Donald finds a loophole, bam! Donald didn’t get rich overnight, nor with oversight. She bangs, rhymezone.com!