After returning from the Iowa State Fair where I mingled with common folk and livestock, I get word that my compadres at FOX News didn’t think I should be wearing Gucci’s or riding in a golf cart.

This isn’t the first time my footwear has become campaign fodder. Jim Cooper who I whooped like an inbred piglet at slop time said this:

Thompson is a Gucci-wearing, Lincoln-driving, Perrier-drinking, Grey Poupon–spreading millionaire Washington special-interest lobbyist.

That’s ground turkey gizzards on my hotdog! Big Freddie don’t go near nothing with pou in the name.

Which brings me to my Gucci’s. My big feet stink, which attract mosquitoes, so I wear them to contain the smell.

As for riding in a golf cart, well no fool walks around the Iowa Fair wearing Gucci’s. There’s nothing there but crap, bull crap, horse crap, Huck-a-bee crap.

Red-hot Jeri says I ruin these Gucci’s I can’t have none until Christmas.