I got this e-mail in my Big Freddie box this morning: “Dear Freddie: How do I talk to my children about 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears’ pregnancy?”

Well I believe in taking the jail bait by the short hairs so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I went into the basement where my 42-year-old deadbeat son Danny is living again after losing another job. I sat down and told him I had something important to say: Young Ms. Spears had made a mistake and now was in the biblical way.

Danny of course had lots of questions, the first one being how old was the father, and I told him 19. Then he asked if the father got arrested for statutory rape and I said no he had not, and he asked me if that meant he could have sex with 16-year-old girls and I said I believe it did. Then he asks me if he could have sex with 15-year-old Miley Cyrus whose posters are on his walls.

I told him if I was President, he could not only bang Miley Cyrus, but Hannah Montana too. Then we hugged, and he told me he understood, and he would consider registering to vote so he could help me.

Take it from Big Freddie Straight talk to your kids is the best way, and you will be surprised how they reward you.