Did you hear I made a joke? I said that we're going to send Jessica Simpson to the Democrat convention. Some people are saying that I had a speechwriter draft the joke. Nonsense! I write all my own material. Who do you think I am, Robin Williams? In addition to writing jokes, as you know, I write songs. It's inspired by the recent troubles of the baseball pitcher and fellow Texan Roger Clemens. It's called "Intentional Walk." Here's how it goes:

Roger was the greatest
The greatest in the land
Batters shuddered when the baseball
Left his meaty hand
Roger struck out one man
Then he struck out two
The third man came to home plate
Didn't know what to do

Whiff, whiff, whiff
Whiff, whiff, whiff
He punched out the side
The Rocket!

Roger was a leader
And Roger was a pro
Winning seasons followed
Wherever Roger'd go
Roger was a legend
Roger made his name
As one of the greatest
To ever play the game

Whiff, whiff, whiff
Whiff, whiff, whiff
He punched out the side
The Rocket!

Then the day grew dark
Then the day grew sad
Roger did some stuff
That people thought was bad
He shot himself with steroids
He screwed a bunch of girls
Now he is the loneliest
Right-hander in the world

Whiff, whiff, whiff
Whiff, whiff, whiff
He's been decried
The Rocket!

That's the song. Scary-good, right? I have a guy who is playing a wicked electric guitar on the track. It's going to be like "Hotel California," only better.