Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m a chef I should talk about food. The trick to a proper French fry is to fry them twice. There, enough food talk for you?
I was in my kitchen at home trying out some new recipes. (Ravioli filled with Northern Spotted Owl Mousseline). As usual, I had the radio on, and the DJ says, “Get ready for a John Mayer Rock Block! Four in a row, right now!”
I had never heard of John Mayer until then. And now I hate him. I know he blogs on this site, but luckily we blog remotely. Because if I had to share a cubicle with him, I’d use his fingers in my electric pencil sharpener then tickle his nose so that when he went to scratch it, the results would be painful.
Almost as painful as his songwriting ability.
The Gymboree CD my kids used to listen to offered more insightful lyrics than Mayer’s music. Hell, “The Dish Ran Away with the Spoon” makes more sense than any song John Mayer wrote.
Just a couple of quick examples. Only two songs, because I had to turn the channel before the Rock Block was finished.
Now we see everything that’s going wrong/With the world and those who lead it/We just feel like we don’t have the means/To rise above and beat it/So we keep waiting/Waiting on the world to change …
Umm, John? Have you ever heard of Martin Luther King Jr? How about Mohandas Gandhi? You dumb fuck! England gave India its independence because of that guy. He didn’t wait for the world to change. But for some reason this song is the anthem of today’s generation?
Then there’s this nugget of genius from the song “Daughters.”
Boys, you can break/You’ll find out how much they can take/Boys will be strong/And boys soldier on…
Basically, he’s saying guys are tough and girls you have to coddle. Hell, I know plenty of women who can beat your ass John Mayer.
Minka, for one. And not in the good way.
GR:
Lisa,
You've made the most sense thus far. I actually agree with a lot of what you said. It's true, sometimes I shoot my mouth without thinking. I'd like to put this stuff behind me and get back to work on this soup. Soup is here to stay my friends!
GR
11/24/2007 3:41 AMWendy:
Gordon,
I think you are wonderful! I wish more people had bollocks like you. P.S. Your family is beautiful.
11/21/2007 5:59 PMRank:
well he does make a good point
12/14/2007 9:35 AMand seriously why would you impersonate Gordon Ramsay?
this cant possibly be the real Gordon Ramsay's blog can it?
alot of people have been saying its fake
John Mayer:
I suck, Ramsay? NO, YOU suck! And your food sucks! I think Ill come by your restaurant with two hot Hollywood big name actresses on my arms just to spit in your food. I am John Mayer, I am God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1/24/2009 6:39 AMGordon Fan:
John Mayer sucks.. enuff said
Gordon 4 President
11/21/2007 7:15 AMJessica:
...who are you...like have i ever heard of you..
11/24/2007 4:09 AMJeff in Korea:
Mayer WAS...WAS....and up and coming young blues sensation. Then he sold out for mushy, pre-pubescent girl songs....utter bloody sellout.
Gordon is right. Wasted talent.
11/23/2007 1:57 AMJaromil:
You really have no idea what you're talking about man... Who the hell do you think you are, go back to your casseroles. And pick up a copy of Rolling Stone on the way!
11/27/2007 3:19 PMStephanie:
Gordon Ramsey? Honestly I haven't a clue who you are but if I wanted a recipe for pumpkin pie I might call on you. Otherwise, why would anyone want your opinion on John Mayer? He happens to be one of the most incredible artists of my generation. Besides the fact the he was included in Time Magazine as one of the most influential people of our generation, won several Grammy's and has collaborated with some of the most incredible musical talents of our time like Eric Clapton, Buddy Guy, BB King, Herbie Handcock, and Alica keys, he is just plain and simple, an amazing song writer, guitar player, and vocalist. How do you not understand his lyrics? I guess since you went to culinary school you never really studied poetry or writing or anything that may help you to understand lyrical content.
11/24/2007 12:48 AM"Waiting on the World to Change." was a different outlook. It was meant to reflect a mind frame that some of us have about our world, the war, and our direct role in it. He was saying that our generation does care, but we are unsure what we can do to help change things. We are more aware than ever but feel like our hands are tied. Its about us, not the political figures. It was an honest voice for us. It makes sense to me. Then, duh, why don't you try listening to his song belief?" This song explains that sitting on just a belief wont get us anywhere! He is not sending out the wrong message at all. He is getting us to think.
But, I'm sure your brain hurts a bit trying to figure this all out. Just know that people who don't have an intelligent argument should keep there opinions to themselves. Just stick to what you do best. Keep on cookin' up those spaghetti and meatballs!
Sean McGee:
Wow...you people are classic!
I can't believe you don't realize this is a joke!
Ever heard of "Fake Steve Jobs"?
Thanks, "Gordon", you are not only a culinary genius, but a comedic one at that!
Oh...and John Mayer Sucks.
11/28/2007 3:26 PMLisa:
Rodeo clown huh?! Sounds like fun! Hey I should consider that as plan B!
11/28/2007 3:38 AMIf this was really you writing above (which I somehow doubt but you never know.. I AM a bit of a blogger-virgin and kind of gullible) then I just have to say that for someone that has been in a coma for 15 years, you're music is not bad at all! I am luvin' your "braindead and asinine" melodies!
If you ever feel down, just imagine Gordon Ramsay doing Yoga...kind of brightened my mood just a little ;-)
Nyways...keep up the great work oh and Ramsay.... while you're at it, keep tensin' them butt muscles baby!!!
Lisa
GR:
Caity,
You should feel very lucky. I usually don't carry on a conversation directly with my fans. But I'll make an exception for you. You seem to be a loyal Gordon Ramsay follower and you're curious about my musical interests. So let me share:
I enjoy early Genesis, Peter Gabriel's solo career, Clapton's guitar ability always gives me the shivers. I enjoy Yanni and I wish Creed was still together.
As far as cellists, it has to be Yo-Yo Ma. Jennifer Love Hewitt is underrated as both an actress and singer. So is Paris Hilton.
I like Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen and feel terrible that David Lee Roth reunited with them. But I do wish Steve Perry would come back to Journey.
All of the above have more songwriting ability in their guitar picks than John Mayer has in his soft, flowing, impossibly gorgeous hair and toned body.
You're very welcome, Caity, for my response. It was really not a problem.
Yours,
11/23/2007 8:56 PMGR
Caity:
I find all of this music talk really hilarious coming from a chef. John Mayer is a true artist. He is a music lover. I'm sure that he wouldn't say that you are a disgrace to the cooking community even if you were because intelligent people don't criticize fields they know nothing about. John Mayer is respected by thousands for his music. As a musician I want to point out that John Mayer writes all of EVERYTHING he performs. He writes the music and lyrics. That is an extremely hard thing to do, and he has been revered by music's elite artists. He has worked with brilliant musicians like Eric Clapton and Ben Harper. Out of curiosity, what songwriters do you respect?
P.S. I think its hilarious that you would stoop as low as to making yourself look like a martyr by feeding the poor on Thanksgiving to get out of looking like a complete fool who is losing an argument. I'm glad that you helped the poor, but people who try to brag about community service most often only do community service to get attention out of it. How does it feel to have someone who doesn't know you rain on your pity parade?
11/23/2007 7:12 AMDan r:
fuck you mayer has a few bad relationship songs and ones like daughters but he has some of the most insightful lyrics of any modern hit artist out there. furthermore the song was just stating the facts that beside the outlier leaders like ghandi (who happened to work ther mojo way long ago, not right now) people, this generation, really hant inspired change and most of politicians are dumb fucks anyway. (i dont think the song is really talking about the politicians though really. more the masses of people. just fyi on all that.)
in short: go to hell, you cant judge an artist by his hit singles that you heard once, misinterpreted and never thought to go learn more about after just a few minute segment on the radio. goodbye
11/20/2007 9:45 PMGR:
Stephanie,
Adolph Hitler was Time Magazine's Man of the Year in 1939, but you don't see me downloading his music on iTunes.
Please do your research before assuming a condescending tone. Though I am a chef, it does not follow that I am stupid.
I was a Marshall Scholar before embarking on my culinary career. I also studied music during the day under the esteemed Itzhak Perlman while running my first three-star Michelin restaurant at night.
I actually didn't attend "culinary school" as your American "chefs" tend to do. In Europe, we apprentice under culinary luminaries. You should leave the U.S. one day and travel. You will learn so much.
If you must invoke the intelligence card, then please be sure to correctly punctuate and spell at least 90% of your post. It would have lent so much more credibility to a post that was otherwise mere blatherskite.
I'm a bit troubled that you mixed up "it's" and "its". You also confused "their" and "there". Stephanie, please forgive me. I am quite busy making a new soup (Soup is back!) and I simply don't have time to address the many grammatical errors in your writing. But please keep trying!
I am deeply concerned about the American education system. I guess you were right, my brain did hurt after reading your post.
Please consult with Strunk & White before posting again.
Soupy Regards,
GR
11/24/2007 3:39 AMJOHN MAYER ROCKS:
are you fucking retarded? please stick to the cooking and stop talking about bullshit! did you ever listened to johns songs live? you dont have the slightest idea the talented that he is, and HIS LYRICS ARE INCREDIBLE. he deosnt stand to wrong messages at all!
he is one of the most amazing artist ever in my generation, and i DO NOT tolerate you to be so disrispectful with him,
love you john, Gordon LIKIT
11/24/2007 2:09 AMJohn Mayer:
Hullo everyone!
John Mayer here. I feel a little embaressed to say this, but it turns out I've just woken from a 15 year coma,during which (I've been politely informed) I released some of the most braindead and asinine melodies ever to come from a human being. I apologize for this, my only defense being that the entirity of my creative faculties were in a vegetative state at the time. My bad! I'm glad that my girlish, uninspired lyrics touched so many people, although this has me concerned that most of the world is as comatose as I was. Anyway, I apoligizeto the music industry and America in general, and plan to return to my former career as a rodeo clown.
11/27/2007 6:46 PMPeace!
John Mayer
nicole:
hay john mayer:
u r just another singer that thinks that everybody id out to get them self and that is so not cool.
4/24/2008 2:26 PMnicole gore
SHut Up!:
Oh my god have you ever picked up a copy of Rolling Stone?!?! HE IS A FREAKING GUITAR GOD!! dumbbutt you made a really stupid mistake and honestly you really have no idea what Mayer's music is if you think he is bad because his music is insightful , you are a freaking chef what the heck do you know about music?? you have NO let me repeat NO idea how music should sound!! so why would you criticize his music? It has real passion and inspiration! Can you say that about your cooking? Or that you have a quality literary education? I would love to see you write all the songs John Mayer has! Oh yea and by the way Waiting on The World to Change kinda makes absoulutley perfect sense right now, or in case you have not noticed George Bush is about as useful to this country as a freaking speck of dirt on the bottom of my shoe! Daughters also actually makes perfect sense, I am a girl and I wasn't offended why should you be ( insert witty remark about how girly you are acting )?? Yeah so why don't you stop and ponder what you say before you open your big fat mouth and say it. My last parting statement ( with a twist ) If you don't have anything nice to say shut your big mouth! OK I am done, you are about worth as much as George Bush ( see above) and I personally think if you have to criticize the work of people who actually put in some good hard work time, you are insecure and need to get a life!
11/23/2007 2:48 AMGR:
That's been an attack several people have leveled against me. So I just downloaded all of John Mayer's songs on iTunes. (I also downloaded some Hanson.)
As it turns out, I was right. John Mayer sucks. His lyrics are pedestrian at best. Very simple stuff. Very often nonsensical. But he seems to have a lot of people fooled, so good for him.
11/21/2007 8:19 PMkakey:
I wish he would write a song about a muskrat...or a monkey...or fast cars. He's just super. you are dumb. I bet your cooking stinks. But we'll never know, cuz you're a fake tv chef. i luv fast cars.
11/21/2007 3:00 PMCaity:
You avoided the main question. What songwriters do you admire? I'm genuinely curious. Based on your intense musical past its most likely going to be someone extremely gifted.
11/23/2007 8:43 PMWow.:
You've got a lot of nerve, you really do. Besides taking the lyrics exactly the opposite of what
they're supposed to mean, I think maybe you should learn more about a person before dedicating
a blog to how much you hate them. Try listening to more of his music and you won't be
dissapointed...well, actually you probably would because your never wrong, right? Shocker.
But actually thank you. It's stupid stuff like this that makes my day. =D
11/26/2007 8:54 PMMaria:
What are you talking about? John Mayer is one of the best song writers ever. You are judging him based on a couple of lines from two songs.
11/21/2007 8:10 PMDon't insult what you have can not even begin to understand.
Deeya:
So what happened Gordon... did you try to get comp tickets to a show and ya got rejected?!?!?!?. Sorry, I'd musch rather , but I'd much rather listen to the artist who wrote "until there's fog inside the galss around your summer heart," than put anything you'd prepare... even if it was pasta and cheese, my fav.
11/21/2007 9:02 PMJess:
bud. what are you talking about. go home. you obviously don't know anything about music. John Mayer is amazing. one of the greastest songwriters of our generation. seriously. go back to food.
11/20/2007 9:28 PMCaity:
Why did you delete your comment about your imminent martyrdom? Congratulations, I'm glad you have some what of an ability to appreciate music. Hopefully some day you'll be able to broaden your music horizon.
11/23/2007 10:28 PMGR:
Sorry. The guy sucks.
11/20/2007 11:46 PMFRANCY:
HA! HA! THIS IS SO FUNNY! I DO NOT KNOW IF THIS IS THE REAL GORDON OR NOT BUT AT THIS POINT I DO NOT CARE BECAUSE I JUST WANNA SAY, "GORDON RAMSAY KICKS AZZ! HE IS SO AWESOME AND FUNNY! AND WHO EVER THIS IS, LET ME SAY THE BLOG MAKES A LOT OF SINCE JOHN MEYER SUCKS! AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF HIS MUSIC, HIS VOICE IS HORRIBLE AND HE IS GETTING OLD! " GORDON RAMSAY LOVE YA LOTS *MUAH!* WAITING ON THE WORLD CHANGE SUCKS! AND I DO NOT GET IT EITHER, I ALSO THINK I COULD KICK JOHN'S AZZ. BUT NOT YOURS RAMSAY YOUR COOL.
11/14/2008 10:51 PMLisa:
Jesus guys..... these are some heated arguments..
11/24/2007 3:35 AMI like John Mayer and what he does but I am not like his number 1 fan... but I just ahve to say to you Gordon, I know that you are known for your bad temper but you should know that everyone is different... some may like him and what he doesn and some may not! No reason to call him a stupid fuck and say the stuff you did.... honestly, I find that very childish but that's just me.
I think we all diss people once in a while..hell, I know I do it, but going out publicly like that in the internet accusing him of being all those things you said, not really cool! Would you like it if someone that that to you, someone that doesn't even know you would say that your cooking sucks...well, thinking about it, you probably wouldn't give a fuck 'cause you are a bit of a gumpy bastard... sorry, couldn't help myself.
Anyways, if you dont like him, keep it to yourself!
Ok that was way longer then I thought it would be!
Lisa
GR:
Um, I played the French horn in grade school so I think I know a thing or two about music.
11/23/2007 3:03 PMKuit:
John Mayer is a knob.
11/21/2007 12:17 AMGR:
Hi Jessica.
John Mayer is a singer/songwriter. He's pretty well-known in the music world I think.
Let me know if I can answer anything else for you.
And thanks for being a fan of mine!
Best,
GR
11/24/2007 4:26 AMJessica:
just checking.. you know i meant you right?
11/27/2007 4:14 AMwere u trying to be...funny...?
GR:
Are you referring to the Rolling Stone issue of "Guitar Gods"?
I'm not impressed. Rolling Stone once featured Color Me Badd on the cover with the headline: "Can Color Me Badd Change the World?"
My point being that Rolling Stone either tends to the hyperbole or it likes to have a little fun with its readers. I think they were joking about John Mayer being good at guitar.
11/27/2007 3:23 PMFRANCY:
GOOD ANSWER!
11/14/2008 10:54 PMJess:
Hey stupid cook anyone can beat up on your butt any time they feel like it especially John Mayer! So shut up and move on!
11/23/2007 2:57 AMWhat Would Ramsay Do:
Any response from John Mayer yet?
11/20/2007 7:38 PMMary:
Dear Gordon,
Let me start by saying I know I'm a little late, and you have already posted another blog that you stated you are over it, but I just saw this so I thought I would leave a comment.
I watch all you shows and truly admire what you do. If I had a resturant in finacial trouble you would be the first one I would call, but I am smart enough to never own a resturant because I think macaroni and cheese that comes out of a box is really good. I don't know about cooking.
I know about music.
To hear the artist that you like it makes better sense to me. Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel was just pure genius!
The phrase "I want to be your sledgehammer" just changed the whole world. And we have to give it to Paris, to be able to sing the words of a catchy song that she didn't write, well that is just pure talent. I can't say that I've heard that much from Yanni, most of it has been in an elevator.
You're argument against John being a five time grammy winner, was weak. Hitler WAS the most influencial person of 1938. To be able to convince a huge number of people to exterminate another group of people and to start a world war, that is horrible beyond words, but was influencial. I'm sure you have won many awards for your food and resturants and you would not want everyone to discount them because Hitler was the most influencial person of 1938.
You are entitled to your opinon. You can't help it if you have bad taste in music. You just might not want to blog about it anymore. I don't blog about food.
Just so you know if this was reversed and John had ate at your resturant and hated your food, and I had had your food and thought it was great, I would remind him that he likes peanutbutter and honey sandwiches.
Have a great day Gordon and keep up the great (culinary) work!
11/25/2007 3:27 PMSHut Up!again:
I am back just to say a couple things, first to the people who say John is not creative or sucks or is ugly I am about to give you are reason to shut your mouth. To the people who say he is not creative: Could you write a masterpiece such as Belief or Waiting on the World To Change? To the people who say he sucks: If he sucks so bad then why did he win all those Grammy's? To the people who say he is ugly: HAVE YOU SEEN HIS HAIR?????? OK I am done and you people who don't like him fine but you don't have to tell people! So honestly just shut up and you should think about this: Have you ever changed your mind from the paint on a sign?
11/23/2007 2:55 AM