Associated Press

Oh my fucking word, am I tired of Anthony Bourdain’s shtick. This guy writes more than he cooks. Or runs around on TV telling everyone about the weird fucking food he eats and how he disdains anyone for not being into eating an animal’s innards.

Fuck you Tony! You act as though you’re some trailblazing chef with something new to say. But you’re a fucking tired old act. And between you and me, you should be spending more time at your restaurant Les Halles instead of trying to be a fucking celebrity.

I should visit your restaurant and put it on Kitchen Nightmares. Maybe shape the fucking place up a bit, yes?

I tried to read Bourdain’s books. I managed to get through one excerpt of Kitchen Confidential, the part where he bitches about how much chefs have to work. Boo-fucking-hoo. What did he expect? Banker’s hours? And how fucking groundbreaking! Chefs have an intense life with lots of yelling and drugs! Before I got into the professional kitchen, I thought there were just cubicles behind the swinging doors. I thought I’d type up an email, embed some apps and entrees in it, hit the send button, and let the diners enjoy. But thanks to Anthony Bourdain, I know that’s not how it works.

He even tries to write novels – and he fucking fails at it. Bourdain’s novels are such tripe, he makes James Patterson look like James Joyce.

His show on the Travel Channel is called No Reservations. Is that because his restaurant is empty and has no reservations booked?

Just fucking curious.