Everyone is talking about my nads.

This past weekend, Indiana's ass-kissing senator and veep wannabe Evan Bayh was about to relay something a steel worker told him -- that I had "more testicular fortitude" than "Gucci wearing, latte-drinking opponents" when I silenced Bayh mid-sentence.

Why did I not want him to tell the crowd about my balls? Because it degrades women to align tenacity with the male genitalia. And also, the number one rule in hermaphrodite-outing is that you let the hermaphrodite out him/her-self.

But then James Carville finished the job when comparing me to Obama:

"If she gave him one of her cojones, they'd both have two."

Fine, I admit it. I have three balls. And I realize you probably have a lot of questions. Are all three balls in one scrotum or do I have a spare ball inside a spare scrotum like that extra button in the little plastic baggy that come when you buy a new shirt?  Is the third ball a mutation and hence smaller then my regular balls and ineffective at producing sperm?

Furthermore, are my regular balls as big as a man's or are the circumferentorally smaller at a ratio proportionate to the male/female body size differential?  And lastly, does Jamie Lee Curtis know about this, and do you guys have weekly tea to discuss your freak junk?

These are all very good questions and I'd like to answer them. But if you haven't heard it's a primary day, and 218 hot, slutty delegates are at stake.

Now if you'll excuse me I have a speech to give to the Indiana University School of Medicine about my hidden asshole. (Hint: it's behind one of my knees.)