Hey everybody! How was your evening last night? Probably felt good to kick back after Cinco de Mayo, right? (We celebrated Monday night at Chiles in Ft. Wayne with the endless chips and salsa and four rounds of El Nino margaritas. Chelsea got pretty hammered and started railing on her ex-boyfriend. It was funny at first, but then it got kind of sad because she was a little too bitter.)

But last night? Nothing too interesting to report. Definitely nothing I need to blog about. I almost skipped posting today, but then I remembered something of critical importance: West Virginia!  Like did you know West Virginia is the wisest state? The median age is 40 -- the oldest in the country. Also the first federal prison for women was opened in West Virginia and the actor Don Knotts was born a native Mountaineer.

I'm sorry, I can't do this. All this spin is making me dizzy. Don fucking Knotts? West Virginia is one of those terrible states with a capital you can never remember.

I could wikipedia it real quick, but honestly I don't care what it is. I bet Obama knows because HE'S SO F***ING PERFECT! Maybe I should call him and ask. He probably wouldn't pick up though. Someone told me he assigned the ring tone "Devil Woman" for my number. I'l be honest, that hurts a little. Also, he's probably too busy knitting a sweater for a homeless person or teaching his adorable little girl how to read or some shit.

I think I'm just rambling at this point. But before I sign off, just wanted to take a quick survey. Have any of you ever bought something you thought you needed at the time, but then realized you didn't really have a good place to display a 19th century Samurai sword? And worse, you couldn't return it because you bought it on Ebay when you were drunk? That pretty much sums up my latest purchase.

(Photo credit: Associated Press)