When I make the announcement on Saturday, it will surely go down as one of the most anticipated concessions of all time. But it isn't my style to go into anything without first doing meticulous research then boring everyone to death with the minutia. Here are some of the other great surrenders of all-time which I plan to riff off this weekend:

General Lee at Appomattox: Lee arrived to the famed peace accord in a brand new, perfectly-pressed suit accessorized with the elegant sword given to him by the Virginia Commonwealth. Grant, on the other hand, was wearing "a rough travel suit" that made him feel undignified in comparison.

So despite my $20 million of debt, I'm going to splurge on the Cristal of lady suits: A Christine Dior double-breasted worsted wool with 14-karat diamond buttons. Retail value: $95,000. For a weapon accessory, I'm thinking my mini pepper spray can that can hook into a belt loop.

Alexander Hamilton on the Manhattan Shore:

The last rivalry to reach this epic proportion was Hamilton versus Burr resulted in a duel. Hamilton fired first and intentionally aimed at a tree above Burr -- a custom that was meant to show courage. Burr returned fire and killed Hamilton.

Although it's unlikely to get Barack to accept a duel (his type generally opts for the drive-by), the honorable death scenario is not one to be dismissed. I could infect myself with a disease then go on a health care strike -- refusing treatment until the whole country got universal health care. That could make everyone hate Barack.

David Lee Roth at a Denny's in Myrtle Beach:

Instead of gracefully exiting the stage, I can proclaim I left the race on my own accord, to work on a solo project. (Umm... yeah right David.) I'll drunkenly jump on a table at Denny's and yell, "I am the sex god of politics!"

Jesus Christ at Golgotha: While on the cross, his last words were "I thirst" then "it is finished."

A little melodramatic if you ask me. (And besides "it is finished" is kind of a rip off of Kurt Vonnegut's "so it goes" refrain in Slaughterhouse Five.) I think I'll end with something more bittersweet. A picture montage to the tune of Green Day's "Time of your life" perhaps?