A curious thing happened to me in the supermarket aisle yesterday. I had a panic attack and not because of all the germs around me. It was directed at something. People Magazine!
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I noticed the Sexiest Man Alive issue just hit the stands. (As if sexy dead men could really compete!) I picked up the magazine casually, confident I’d be in the 5-10 range. I’m not cocky, I know Mother Aging has knocked me out of the top slot category. But guess what? I wasn’t on there. At all! So I offer a critique of the 15 men appearing on the list ahead of me:
1. Hugh Jackman – Goofy to a fault.
2. Daniel Craig – Eyes eerily blue
3. Jon Hamm - Dishy. (Not sure what that means actually)
4. Zac Efron – Lacks emotional complexity.
5. Robert Buckley – Even more dishy.
6. Blair Underwood – Name sounds like an 18th century witch
7. Ed Westwick -- - Dishy. (Not sure what that means actually)
8. Michael Phelps -- Too aquatic.
9. Blake Shelton – Falsetto twang leaves much to be desired
10. Lang Lang -- I’m not racist, but really?
11. Mark Paul Gosselaar – More like Mark Paul Gossamer. Surfacey personality.
12. Javier Bardem – too perfect?
13. Robert Pattinson – isn’t it still considered child porn to want a Harry Potter character?
14. Joshau Jackson – Jeez People, this isn’t 1994.
15. David Beckham – gay.
Barbara Walters:
Howie, you did make my list of the world's most useless, um I mean interesting, douchbags. Does that make you feel better?
11/25/2008 5:27 PMAnonymous:
Hey, where is the Deal or No Deal show? I haven't seen it on lately, and that was my favorite TV show. You should "scrap" Howie Do It", Howie, and concentrate on bringing Deal or No Deal back on prime time. The only time I can see it is old reruns at 4 P.M. here in Marion, Ohio, and I'd like to see some new shows.
3/1/2009 1:52 PMAnonymous:
Hey, where is the Deal or No Deal show? I haven't seen it on lately, and that was my favorite TV show. You should "scrap" Howie Do It", Howie, and concentrate on bringing Deal or No Deal back on prime time. The only time I can see it is old reruns at 4 P.M. here in Marion, Ohio, and I'd like to see some new shows.
3/1/2009 1:52 PMAnonymous:
Hey, where is the Deal or No Deal show? I haven't seen it on lately, and that was my favorite TV show. You should "scrap" Howie Do It", Howie, and concentrate on bringing Deal or No Deal back on prime time. The only time I can see it is old reruns at 4 P.M. here in Marion, Ohio, and I'd like to see some new shows.
3/1/2009 1:52 PMbarb:
Howie is definitely the sexiest man alive. The apple didn't fall far from the tree with Alex either, if ya know what I mean ; )
4/4/2009 8:22 AM