You know brothers, the first month of 2008 has been a roller coaster ride for the Hulkamania. I’m not talking about one of those wooden coasters you rode as a bed wetting 10-year-old, I’m talking about the real deal, Kingda Ka. On one hand, I’m having the time of my life hosting the American Gladiators. Just like everything else the Hulkster has done in his career, this is proving to be a SMASH hit. We suplexed Desperate HouseCrap through a barbed-wire table according to Nielsen.

On the other hand, as I’m sure all you maniacs have heard, the love of my life Linda has decided to leave me. The Hulkster hasn’t felt this low since the world premiere of Mr. Nanny. Not even oiling up my 24-inch pythons and watching my legendary match against Andre the Giant does it for me anymore.

In happier, boobier times (AP)

Linda if you’re reading this, I don’t know what to say. Sure, I let our son drive 120 miles down the freeway and nearly kill his scrub friend. Sure I swindled you out of $10 million, and fooled your puke of a lawyer. But can’t you just forgive the Hulkamania?

And if you can’t I have no other choice but to say this, “Whatcha gonna do Linda, when the lord’s 24-inch pythons, GO WILD ON YOU!!!!” Brothers, I’ll keep updating you on this roller coaster ride known as life. Keep eating your vitamins, drinking your milk, and say your prayers kids!