Ooooh, brothers! The Hulkster is not doing well today. That’s right, friends and foes: Linda’s dating a 19-year-old boy.

I know what you’re thinking: the Hulk deserves a little payback after cheating on his wife. But nuh-uh. That wasn’t me. That was Terry Gene Bollea – only a man. He may share the same flesh as me, but he does not share the same indomitable spirit of The Immortal Icon of Professional Wrestling. 

Linda has hit me with a folding chair to the back of the heart and now her tag team partner Depression has me on the mat.

One!

Two!

C-c-c-combo breaker!

I just remembered The Incredible Hulk is in theaters! This is what I need! This is what I’ve been waiting for! You see, boys and girls, Terry Gene Bollea is just like Bruce Banner: weak with a side order of suck. But once the fury inside builds up so much that no ring can contain it, that’s when THE HULK comes out!

That’s even where I got the name! Did you know that?

The Iron Sheik didn’t.

So I’ve got a new demandment: see The Incredible Hulk.

Anyone who’s not afraid of action-packed fun and popcorn will meet me today at the Pacific Grove Stadium 14 for the 11:15 a.m. showing. Just don't sit too close to me or you might get smashed by a super injection of gamma ray confidence.